TheWatchList @ Blogspot

Site Designish

2007-04-09T20:07:00.000-07:00

Over the next week I'll be creating a new site for an area Disabled American Veterans chapter so I don't know that I will be getting to my posts as planned. I know... You are looking at my site and wondering what the hell am I doing making a site for anyone. : )

Well, I don't charge, which is just the right price for them since they are a nonprofit and a web presence isn't a huge priority for them. Someone asked and I wasn't about to tell a group that I respect "No".

I don't know if I will link to their site or not since my site is a little obnoxious.

Oh well... In the mean time I guess I can attempt to encourage everyone to take a look at eBay's charity auctions. Their program is called Giving Works. You can search for items by charity or by item type (in case you want to buy something but don't care which charity benefits).

Now for today's featured eBay auction:

Auction End - Apr-14-07 13:28:26 PDT

Blog Template by LunaStone
LunaStone makes some great blog templates. She is offering a few on eBay at discount pricing to test the waters on eBay for blog template sales. I'd buy one from her, but my My Little Pony and Crystal Meth addiction has totally wiped out my bank account. Check out her design site (and it's blog). It's good stuff, I promise.

Harry Potter Nonsense

2007-04-07T23:26:00.000-07:00

So, I might have made and posted the following picture:

I may have also implied that anyone over a certain age who was excited about the new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book was a cuckoo for Coco Puffs (wait, that's a different cereal).

Here in the US, the book is marketed as a young adult/children's book so the only time it gets placed anywhere other than shelves with Nancy Drew and The Baby-sitter's Club is when it gets placed in it's own stack at the front of the store so the mobs can find it quicker.

If you saw this post earlier, you'll probably notice that I altered it...

eBay Store Item

Problem With Visas

2007-04-05T04:41:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking credit cards. I'm talking H-1B work visas... The government has a cap on the number of visas they give out. Apparently wealthy companies like Microsoft are crying about H-1B caps...

Microsoft, Intel, Oracle, Sun, HP, and a bunch of other companies make up this group called "Compete America", which some how claims that their goal is to keep America competitive. They do this by lobbying so American companies can hire as many foriegn nationals (via those handy H-1B visas) instead of looking to the American workforce.

They have all these lovely stats about how Americans are not going to college in certain fields... For example, in 2005 51% of the engineering masters degrees issued at the top universities in Illinois were awarded to noncitizens.

Why are American students not going after these degress? I've got one guess... Because greedy companies hire huge numbers of H-1B visa workers to do those high end jobs so they can get away with paying them less than what they would expect to pay an American citizen with the same qualifications.

Continue those hiring practices over a decade or so and you create a scenario where students do not see the value of racking up the student loan debt or investing the time in obtaining a Masters or PHD in Engineering (or other fields).

If your business can not operate within the extent of the law, YOUR BUSINESS MODEL SUCKS. In the case of Microsoft, which has plenty of cash, they can still afford to hire qualified American workers and still make a profit. Hiring guest workers (legal or not) paid at a lower rate are the same as outsourcing the job overseas.

This reminds me of the California farmers whining because their crops rot in the field when there are no illegal immigrants to harvest for them.

Unfortunately, because we have been skipping down this path for so long in the case of food/agriculture, we've pretty much fucked ourselves. The industry cheated to keep prices low. We as consumers didn't care because prices remained low. Now there is no simple solution to having legal labor while maintaining the markets at current price.

Legalizing all of the illegal immigrants does no good. Employers would have to pay them a legal wage (and pay payroll taxes on those workers). They would then need new sources of pennies on the dollar laborers.

I've got no problem with people coming to America to make a better life for themselves. The problem is the company that pays an illegal wage or attempts to avoid paying "normal wages" so they can continue inflating C-level employee pay. The trend in the US is to constantly inflate C-level pay at the expense of others.

For example, in 1965 the average CEO made 24 times as much as their average worker. In 2005, the different went from 24 times more to 240 times more. See more related stats, like how CEO's in other industrialized nations average only 30 to 40% the pay that CEO's here make...

I'm sure someone will explain to me why I'm wrong...

eBay Store Item

They do.

Danny Goes Krogering

2007-04-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

Tourette's Guy videos crack me up every time that I see them... Why, I don't know. Well, maybe I do.

He's an asshole. He's loud. And he doesn't give a fuck.

Parts of these videos are staged. But I seriously doubt the people of Krogers (or Ralph's, Owen's, Fry's, Pay Less, Dillons, Hilanders, Smith's, or any of the other Kroger store names) would play along with this game...

Staged or not, thank the almighty dollar that these people make these silly ass videos at the risk of physical injury, getting arrested, or any other legal nonsense.

eBay Store Item

Danny is my hero...

Something New?!

2007-04-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

The Grocery List From Hell is coming back to life and it's going to see a few format changes...

I'm thinking a posting schedule so readers will know what to expect on certain days.

Here is the break down:

Similar to the old content:
1 day per week with a snarky news bit
1 day per week with my attempt at photoshop or a cartoon
1 day per week of something random on my mind

New will be:
1+ day per week I will highlight something that I've enjoyed reading/viewing over the past few days... Most of it will be blog posts from blogs that I haunt.
1+ day per week I will promote other bloggers eBay auctions

Do you have an auction or ebay store? Let me know about it. Did you write some really great post that will make me laugh or change my world view on the impact of shelled peanuts? Let me know.

The news bit and the photoshop stuffs will most likely fall on a certain day of the week, once I figure out what that day is.

Martha "Mazola" Vasquez

2007-01-19T05:17:00.000-08:00

Martha Vasquez was sentenced to 15 years in prison for playing doctor. Apparently she was injecting Mazola brand corn oil into client's asses to help reducing aging. More than one of her clients went into a coma from complications related to this creative use of corn oil, including one Maria Aguirre-Castillo who completely stopped aging after she after a week of being in the ICU.

I don't think that is what poor Maria meant when she said she wanted an ass to die for...

In my humble opinion, I think that Mrs. Vasquez was charging a bit much for her services. Mazola only costs a couple of dollars and she was reportedly charging around $1400 for the injections. I don't know what the going rate for a plastic surgeon is, but you think you could get a something not quite so deadly for $1400. The least she could do is accept coupons.

Mazola's website actually has a fantastic "Which Oil Should I Use" chart to show the uses and benefits of each of their product lines. Unfortunately though, I couldn't find anything on their site about which product line to use when injecting their oil into one's ass or breast. Is that what the medical community means when they say "off label use"?

Enough of that nonsense though... EBay has the below pamplet on of home remedies from 1918 that's cover obviously served as the inspiration piece for Pearl Jam's Vitalogy album.

Auction End Date = Jan-25-07 11:40:05 PST

The health secrets of Eddie Vedder

Dawkins and his army of militant atheists

2007-01-14T09:34:00.000-08:00

Okay, so back in September I rambled a short short bit about a book that was coming out. Well, since then there have been some small things in the news about how atheist activists (ie, these authors mentioned in my post, folks like those at Rational Response Squad - who I've been MySpace pals with since starting this site - and others).

Well, what makes these people so special? Apparently they've got some people worked up. These authors (Dawkins in particular) more so than RRS... So much that they are being referred to as militant atheists. Militant atheist (fighting wars with pens and typewriters) makes about as much sense as the War on Christmas or people tossing around the word jihad to refer to activist campaigns against different things here in the states...

So... I wrote the following in response somewhere:

I find humor in the use of militant to describe outspoken atheists. Yes, my dictionary does lend one definition to the term militant as vigorously active support of a cause… But, it seems odd that those who are outspoken about Dawkins (and Harris and Dennett and a few other atheist authors) would apply a watered down definition of a term that finds its origins (and true meaning obviously with something stronger and more aggressive than book/essay writing and doing talk show interviews).

It reminds me of some US politicians and other public figures throwing around the term jihad (only after 9/11 of course) for drama’s sake while using it’s watered down definition (see also the War on Christmas – war? What war? Come on, really, a war?).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for colorful language and I fully understand that languages evolve. It’s just that it seems to me a little contrived. Okay, more than a little.

Why these exact words? I’m sure it’s not to take advantage of (and evoke a stronger reaction from) an audience knowing full well that the audience is aware of REAL militants (and a REAL war) currently fighting over religion and principal (as misguided as it all may be) for the sake of lumping these pen wielders in the same group as those who carry kalishnikovs and hurl RPGs along with their words.

I’m sure both sides are guilty (these militant atheists and their counterparts on the other side of the concertina wire) of this crime though. I’ve only read excerpts of Dawkin’s book so for all I know he is an asshat (along with any of the others in this minority) who is just trying to make a call to arms while using sensationalist vocabulary. To deny though that there are plenty of vocal asshats within the majority is silly. Oops, I think I just committed the foul I’m ~~battling against~~ pointing out…

Oh, if you made it all the way through this you must have been really bored. If you are still bored, you can visit SelfEducatedIdiot.com and see the new site.

No End Date = eBay Store Item

The God Delusion
Tags: militant atheists, antitheist, richard dawkins, fighting words, war of the words

The Holy Jesus Chip on eBay

2007-01-09T12:19:00.000-08:00

So, I often find myself wondering things like, what would I do if I received a message from God in my sack of pork rinds... Since I don't eat pork rinds, the issue has never come up.

I'm more a tortilla chip kinda guy so I'm not even likely to find a potato chip that by some miracle has a cross shape burned into it... This kid did though. And because he doesn't believe in God or miracles he is selling his blessed fried snack to the highest bidder.

I hope someone buys it because he plans on using the auction money to pay for guitar lessons. Check out the auction to see a picture of him with his rocking electric guitar that he got for Christmas. Even though Rock and Roll is the devil's music, I fully support his selling of this holy potato chip with the cross shaped hole that he found on Christmas Eve (which for those of you that don't know is the Eve of the day we celebrate the birth of Christ and the return of Santa Claus).

End Date = Jan-16-07 07:30:44 PST

Holy Potato Chip
found on Christmas Eve of course...
Tags: christmas miracle, potato chip, holy chip, jesus snack food, salty christ

Bullet proof bras and other sexy nonsense

2007-01-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

Debbie Bingham of St. Petersburg Flordia was avoid serious injury from a falling bullet hit and was mostly stopped by her over the shoulder boulder holder. That's right kids, because of her superwoman bra she only received a cut and some bruising from a .45 cal bullet that fell on her after apparently someone was shooting guns up in the air to celebrate the new year.

Story and bra picture from FirstCoastNews
Now, for more sexy nonsense...

People are always asking questions like "If you could have dinner with (or spend one day talking to, etc.) any one dead famous person, who would it be?"

I'm going to pose a slightly different variation of that though... If you could have sex with any one dead famous person, who would it be?

Someone
Else?

Let me know who and why via comments. I listed celebs and people who were supposedly desired all from the same era so you might have completely different people in mind. After I get a few comments I will post a follow up with pictures of those mentioned in comments along with my answer to this question that I've posed. If it's someone not many people have heard of, leave a link for a wiki or something...

Tags: bullet proof bra, dead celebrities, monroe, famous dead, dead sexy

Always someone arguing over religious shit

2007-01-04T13:21:00.000-08:00

Archeologists have unearthed some ancient (and possibly holy) shit that some believe belong to the authors of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Because no one can avoid arguing over religious shit, a bit of debate has been stirred up when the news hit the fan.

Researchers, led by Joe Zias, who recently published "Revue de Qumran" so bad want this poo to be the poo they think it is. That is, the feces of those who wrote parts of the Bible... The people behind this foulness actually hunted for the Qumran latrine. Seriously, this Christ related crap doesn't make any sense... I mean, who goes around looking for turds anyways? Well, other than the folks at smellypoop.com... But still. Who other than them?

Norman Golb, a history prof at the University of Chicago, was quoted as saying "There's no plausible connection between what they found and the conclusion that the Essenes lived at Qumran." He basically says that Zias and company are making this shit up and went on to add that they only claim a connection because "they're committed in their writings to it."

This article goes into the finer details of this great debate on the buried feces that some claim belong to Essenes (an ascetic Jewish sect from back in the 2nd century BC to the 1st century AD, as in the times of Jesus and his homies).

Oh, and as for confirmation that this shit is confusing, a Dead Sea Scrolls scholar has dropped in on the debate to add that there were a number of people who inhabited Qumran (including maybe a few different waves of Essenes) so there is no way to tell who took those dumps and left them for future excrement excavators to find.

One great thing did come out of this though... I finally learned what one could do with a degree in anthopology.

No End Date = eBay Store Item

Holy Crap! comes in all sizes.
Don't believe me, check here.
Tags: qumran, dead sea scrolls, shit, Essenes, religious debate

PS3's on eBay are breaking hearts

2007-01-03T23:23:00.000-08:00

They are also breaking dreams of huge profit taking and in some cases wallets...

There are a number of Playstation 3 auctions that went well below retail price (including shipping costs). I personally know someone who has won bids on 2 60GB units but in both cases the sellers refused to sell the consoles for the $400-ish end price. Why did they not use a reserve price? Do they not understand that in most locales the online auction is considered a legally binding contract??

Apparently they thought they could jump on the profit taking bandwagon even though the rush was over. It would be hilarious if someone actually started taking people to court over this stuff.

Unfortunately though there is little one can do about a nonperforming seller, especially if they refuse your payment. If you leave a negative feedback, they can be dicks and do the same to you even though you did nothing wrong. Some of these sellers whose auctions are ending hundreds of dollars below retail are being honest though. I found at least a few like this one that went for $305. According to the feedback notes on the buyer and seller, it looks like the item shipped.

People who can't spell playstation might also find themselves selling a console for much less than they payed. I'm keeping my eye on the auction below... The current bid is for $49. See the title of the item below this quality picture:

End Date = Jan-06-07 20:00:38 PST

Playstaion 3 - Game console NEW w/ a Free TMX elmo

Finding a good and cheap web host

2007-01-02T21:23:00.000-08:00

Okay... So I'm pretty sure it's time to shoot this horse named Blogspot and go out and get a domain. For right now... I'm thinking GoDaddy.com as a host and domain registrar. I've picked up a few domains from them in the past for a business that is currently up in air and on hold. I've also gotten a domain and hosting services through startlogic.com (fuck them, service is good, support sucks and billing is crap unless you like to be billed even though you have repeated requested to no renew with them) a few years back. They are good enough, but probably at least 2x the cost of GoDaddy (and 20x the headaches).

So, is there a better host out there? GoDaddy is looking to cost me about 3.59 a month if I get a 1 year contract/prepaid plus a couple bucks for the domain name. If you know of a sweeter deal, let me know.

Some asshole spammer looked up this post via google today (3/25/07) so he could post a cut and paste of Startlogic's supposed "features"... The last is my favorite because the only awards those fucktards should ever win is a Darwin Award. Read the comments to see what I'm ranting about. I'm deleting the asshole comment spam because it is just startlogic's features with a link to his referal shit for them. Fuck him, fuck them.

End Date = None

Because of this book
this site will rise like a pheonix or something

Blogging better for the New Year

2006-12-30T18:33:00.000-08:00

The Grocery List From Hell is going to be seeing some wholesale changes. Changes to content, changes to focus, changes in post frequency, and maybe even some changes to the layout... It's really got nothing to do with the New Year or resolutions or anything like that. Just something I've been thinking on since oh, say maybe November.

If anyone has any suggestions, I'll gladly entertain them. I'm actually looking at a completely different approach to blogging/website building. I've made myself a short list of books that have zero to do with websites in an attempt to come up with something more interesting for you (and me). Now I just need to get out to obtain copies of those books and find the hours required to read them.

So far I've already got a few things in mind in the way of some weekly special posts. I'll provide more details when I've got it set in stone. Hopefully I get it all sorted out here in the next day or so once my brain starts working again.

As an early thank you for maybe providing some suggestions, here are a few of my favorite older posts from earlier in the year... Because I'm evil, I'm going to make them all blind links so you will have no clue which of my posts I'm sending you to. I know... such a bastard.

Here goes:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and last but not least... 227

Monkey skull & a murder weapon

2006-12-25T19:27:00.000-08:00

What goods did you get for the holidays? I got the same old same old...

That was from my mom. It's a Philippine tribal trophy from on of the Igorot tribes, most likely Bontoc or Kalinga...

She also got me a kick ass Messengers of Faith Talking Jesus. Only if you could program him with a few choice Bible verses (Proverbs 21:9, Psalm 137:9, Matthew 10:34, Ezekiel 23:20, and maybe Mark 10:25)...

I also got some Irving Welsh books, a few hard to find cds, Talladega Nights and a bunch of other things.

My inlaws came out to visit. I love their gifts because it's always the strangest crap. I know, picky picky me. At least I got something from them right?

I got 2 different stress balls, an As Seen On TV knife with meat slicing guide, and a shirt. I guess they all go together though right.

Use stress ball #1 until you break it.
Repeat same with stress ball #2.
When that breaks, use knife to murder.
Change clothes after murdering people with meat slicing knife...

If you want a ~~people slicing knife~~ meat slicing knife like I got, see the auction below...

End Date = Dec-31-06 10:09:39 PST

Merry Christmas Son
Tags: christmas gifts, presents, as seen on tv, ungrateful bastard, xmas

The end is near

2006-12-23T19:57:00.000-08:00

Christmas shopping... If you aren't done, you really shouldn't be sitting here on the computer. Get your ass to the store and grab whatever crap is left so you can start getting drunk and be done with it.

I'm done, finally. Does anyone have any joyous shopping related stories to share? Here are mine, sort of categorized:

Annoying - I went to this game/hobby stop to buy a hard to find game for a friend (well and a few for me too). The entire 40 minutes I was there, one of the employees was walking around the place speaking in a poorly faked British accent like he just fell out of a youtube spoof of a Monty Python skit (and apparently hit his head).

It's people like that that remind me and other people who play oddball table top games and Steve Jackson card games how big of losers we are. You see, walking dildos like that guy seem to exist in every group of gamers. Even if I can almost fit in as a normal person, I still know that at one point I hung out with at least one person who did that regularly and didn't punch/slap/kick/shoot him. Damn me to geek hell.

Oh Shit Moment - I sent out 8 things via eBay last week. Everything was marked and double checked before handing it over to the helpful shipping person. They put the UPS labels over the top of my writing and then put them back with the rest of the crap they had to ship. Apparently they screwed up. YIKES! 2 buyers got the wrong stuff. I've never had this happen to me as a buyer or have I done this before as a seller. DAMN IT ALL.

Luckily they weren't purchased as christmas presents. I refunded 50% off the items costs (which sucks for me) and paid them both a very fair amount to cross ship the items via UPS. It's taken care off, they were both satisfied with their refunds and items. All is saved.

Creepy Checkout - Why do some people insist on telling you their entire life stories while you are stuck with them in the never ending Best Buy checkout herd? This late 30s early 40s ish guy starts talking to me and my wife about all these different gifts he was buying and how he was going to be his nephew's hero for buying some DVD. He peppered it all with something about a kidney stone and lunch at Houlihan's and list of what gift cards he hopes he gets for christmas. He kept talking and talking and talking (sort of like how I'm rambling now, but the difference being that you have the ability to escape).

End Date = Dec-30-06 20:36:57 PST

My Christmas spirit has left the building.
Tags: christmas shopping, geeks, checkout lane, ebay mishaps

Politically correct for the holidays

2006-12-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

Shopping is done. Well mostly. I need to pick up a few stocking stuffers. Other than that, it's finished. I'm not gonna complain about the jackass drivers or shoppers, because let's be honest... We are all edgy aggressive assholes out to snipe that sale item or that parking spot. It's a big circle, you pissed me off, but then I pissed of the next guy and he pissed of yet another person.

Anyways... I only have one big task left. I was asked to say the prayer this year at the dinner at my parents (with my brothers and their families also in attendence). Why? I don't know. I'm an atheist. I don't want to pray, let alone lead a prayer.

I have a few ideas, but since there are others in my extended family who practice different faiths, I want to be PC about it. Can anyone help me out? I need a list of dieties because I'd hate to leave anyone out. I guess I could just ask everyone what they worship. The problem with that is that then they would know I've been tuning them out while they babble about how I'm going to rot or burn or come back as a beetle or whatever for not believing. I can't have that drama (or the repeats of the lectures).

Anyways here's how it looks so far:

Dear {insert list}, who art in their heads,
Thank you for being you. Can we eat now?

P.S. Thanks for not poisoning our food with the plague like you did to those sorry bastards with the spinach or at the Taco Bells and now the Indianpolis area Olive Garden.

Amen, Abracadabra, Shazam, Nunee nunee noo, Gesundheit, and all that jazz

I tried not to say too much that might directly look like it is coming from one faith or another. Playing this politically correct game is tough, but in the end I think we are better off for it. I just have one question though...

What have we become?

No End Date = eBay Store Item
Tags: politically correct, prayer, dieties, christmas shopping, diversity, atheism, war on christmas

Dad wants a tie for christmas

2006-12-21T12:56:00.000-08:00

The place has lots of funny ties. I'm going to check because I think they make these custom and I've been wanting to get a few special ones made up for work.

No End Date = eBay Store Item

Ties with personality
Tags: christmas music, funny ties, necktie

It's the You Taste Gamey Game

2006-12-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

One of my all time favorite Christmas movies was "Alive"... Okay, it isn't exactly a Christmas movie, but there is snow and togetherness and a family meal...

Anyways, after playing a fun little game with Greg, Yank, Neo,Jess, and Ben yesterday relating to the movie, sort of. We were discussing why we would be spared from being lunch on atop the mountain after a plane wreck. Only one problem, no one was volunteering to die. People started quickly plotting to off each other as plead our case as to why we should live.

So, I'm inviting everyone to play along in a twisted little worst case scenario survival game. What special skills, traits, talents, etc do you have that would keep you alive on top of that mountain with the lot of us raving cannibals? You can add your comment here or if you want, play along with the jumbo jet edition of game I started on myLot forums...

Jess has already pretty much guaranteed her survival. She said that she will probably even end up gaining weight while she sits on top the mountain waiting for rescue...

End Date = Dec-29-06 14:33:02 PST

Jess thinks she will win
Tags: alive, christmas movies, cannibalism, cannibal, plane wreck, king of the mountain, worst case scenario

Crazy People and The Christmas Witch

2006-12-17T17:10:00.000-08:00

Some people get crazy around Christmas time... Like this person who painted Santa's Got a Gun-ish painting.

I'm sure Santa's a regular Joe though, which means he must have hobbies just like the rest of us.

Speaking of people being just like the rest of us... There is a pagan woman who lives in our neighborhood, who claims she is a witch. Most people would say "A pagan witch. Move away, those people eat children and sacrafice goats to demons in the middle of the night at the girls fastpitch softball diamond and they steal dogs to make stew." but I don't listen to all that nonsense.

I've talked to the lady a few times. She's really just like you and me, except she only buys clothes at Hot Topic and she rambling about how she can hear my grass screaming for mercy when I mow my yard. Even though she doesn't believe in Jesus, she still likes to celebrate xmas... This year she said she is celebrating it on the 22nd...

End Date = Dec-19-06 21:07:51 PST

Pagan Holiday Celebration
Tags: christmas art, skeet shooting, pagan celebration, winter solstice, holiday painting, folk art, santa, hot topic
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Earning cash online with mylot so I can buy prizes

2006-12-15T07:06:00.000-08:00

I'm working on how I can get prizes to give out here (real prizes mailed to loyal readers) but I'm sorta broke so it's not going as I first planned.

I am working on a few things. ANO, who also runs DeadSilence, showed me a site that looks like a combination of MySpace and Google Answers (which is dead now). It's called myLot.

Not that you are interested, but they pay members for being active (posting in forums and what not) in their online community. My plan is to test it out and see how it goes. In a short time spent in two days I've already racked up a whopping $1.25 or so. I spoke to someone who puts a bit of time into it and they earned $90+ their first month. It's not a ton of cash, but it's enough to get giveaways for the site.

Update on MyLot: So far so good. I've racked up $7.25 in 7 days on there so far. Another $3 or so equals payout. (to get paid you need to sign up for PayPal or e-Gold.

The site seems to be hugely popular with Indians, apparently due to scale of economy and the fact that they can make money. A few people have said that they made around $100 in their first month, which I guess isn't bad money in India and other countries for a work at home job. The trick is to start a good discussion that gets a lot of people to participate.

Anyways

So my questions for you are...

1) Would you like to see a "fixed" prize, where I pick a prize and give that item away?

2) Would you prefer to get a little crazy with it, and you tell me a few of your likes (or I check out your blog) and order you something from eBay?

3) Any suggestions on how to pick a winner (what would you be willing to do to win a prize)? Contests, random drawings, etc?

Let me know because the first prize giveaway will be announced no later than the first week of January. If I manage to find some coin before then, we might start early. In the mean time, check out this Bozo Show - Grand Prize Game set...

End Date = Dec-22-06 07:14:31 PST

Grand Prize Game
Tags: myspace, google answers, mylot, work at home, make money online, prize, grand prize game

Early is better than late

2006-12-14T19:29:00.000-08:00

I couldn't wait until tomorrow night... Happy Chanukah. WOooO HOooO!

Say hello to Mickey Mouse for me.

Huh what? You didn't know. Chanukah Harry is out. Mickey Mouse is in.
Don't believe me, check this out...

If you are still a fan of Chanukah Harry, check this Harry Potter themed menorah (don't ask me what happened to the picture)...

No End Date = eBay Store Item

Hanukkah Harry Potter
Tags: hanukkah, chanukah, menorah, mickey mouse, hanukkah harry, harry+potter

No Room at the Church

2006-12-13T10:22:00.000-08:00

Some 2000 years ago there was "no room at the inn" and now today there is no room at the church! Whoa, whoa is us.

One of Jesus's hand picked holy men has barred Santa from church services. Even more strange is the church's humiliating message to old Father Christmas... Reverend Tim Storey told St Nick to disrobe if He wanted to enter the church.

Apparently Jesus (or the staff) doesn't like to be shown up by other people's fancy outfits... That's besides the point though. We all need to pray to Santa Claus and ask for forgiveness for the lunacy of the church for failing to recognize Him this season.

I pulled out my musty old King James Bible to the book of Matt and read aloud Santa's Prayer. You should do the same each day until Christmas.

Father Christmas which art in the North Pole, Santa Claus be thy name.
Thy Christmas come, and will be done until next year, as it is every year.
So give us this day our presents.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive you for trespassing on our rooftops.
And lead us not into temptation of peaking or shaking gifts, and deliver us from evils of over-eating: For thine is the Day of Christmas, and the elves, and the reindeer, forever, Amen.

I need to go pray to Santa again because I'm still upset about the foul and ugly souls at the Blandford Forum Parish Church who tried to deny Him even when He stands before them in the flesh and blood. I hope He gives me the strength to over come this or great presents so I forget about it.

End Date = Dec-21-06 18:59:54 PST

Lord God Santa
Tags: christmas, santa, father christmas, santa's prayer, no room at the church, no room at the inn, denied

(Not) Spreading More Holiday Cheer

2006-12-12T20:09:00.000-08:00

Blahgger Updates

2006-12-11T11:31:00.000-08:00

The Grocery List From Hell finally made the move from old blogger to new blogger. Fantasticaliciousness. It looks like I need to fix a few things now, but other than that, it seems okay.

Back to the christmas listish crap... A few weeks ago I worked a top ten toy list by reviewing 4 other top toy lists and comparing that to eBay and Amazon sales info. Here goes...

Over the next couple days I will ramble a little about at least a couple of these. For now though I figured I would ask a couple questions...

1) What was the greatest gift you got as a child for xmas or hanukkah or kwanzaa (or any other gift giving holiday that may or may not fall in around this time of year)?

2) Are you planning on purchasing any of the items pictured above?

At least 3 or 4 of those items are sold out in stores (or at least do not stay on shelves very long) so someone is buying them...

I guess that leads to another question.

3) Did you buy any of these (or other toys) this year to turn a quick buck on eBay (or other secondary market venues)?

I don't want any of those (well, I wouldn't complain if I got a Wii)... I'd rather have one of these...

End Date = Dec-14-06 23:08:33 PST

Fushigi Circus
Tags: top ten toys, fushigi circus, top 10 toys, gifts

Favorite Holiday Music

2006-12-07T16:31:00.000-08:00

This week's contest begins today. All comments dated 12/7/06 through 12/13/06 will be considered an entry to win one of four 250 BE credit prizes. Multiple comments = multiple entries.

Now for our regular programming...

Is does anyone else dread the nonstop Christmas music this time of year? Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people getting into the spirit but there is a such thing as too much. The town I grew up in actually had loud speakers on the buildings downtown and would play Christmas tunes across them every day until 7:00pm. Crackly old PA speakers cranking out the same old crusty rusty songs over and over all day long.

Maybe if they played better songs... But which songs? What are your favorite christmas (or chanukah or kwanzaa song or whatever other holidays I'm ignorant of)? When I was a kid, a family friend had a great record with my favorite Christmas song ever (warning, it contains potty mouth language).

Anyways, leave me a note with a link to a sample or a youtube to your favorite christmas song. If you can't find a sample or a youtube, leave the name of the song and a little bit of info on it. I will pick one song comment for one of the 250 credit prizes (the other three will be randomly selected unless I come up with another request)...

No End Date = eBay Store Item

Johnny put it in his collection
Tags: christmas music, holiday tunes, rudolph & the gang, john waters christmas, here comes fatty clause, blogexplosion credits
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

The Real Santa Claus

2006-12-06T08:48:00.000-08:00

How would you like the real St. Nicholas (A.K.A. Santa) to show up at your house for christmas? So many people would pay big bucks for this opportunity and, because of that high demand, you can only have him for just a sliver of time. No wait. That should read you can only have a sliver of him.

Too late though. The ebay auction for bone fragments (contained in a relquiary) St. Nicholas of Myra has ended. The auction sold via it's Buy It Now option for 289.99. You're in luck though, you can still buy some fabric from his clothing (removed off his dead body).

If Christmas ain't your thing, maybe you'd like a relic containing bits from Saint Valentine. If you ask me, I think this would make a lovely Valentine's gift. The relic is housed in a 3cm by 3.5cm bling bling and could easily be worn by your loved one as a necklace.

I myself am wanting the clothing bits (again, removed from the corpse) of the only dude slick enough to bed the Virgin Mary herself... That's right, Jesus Christ's ~~stepdad~~ nonbiological father Joseph. Maybe Mary cried on this bit of cloth when Joseph died. I heard that you can gain Chuck Norris like powers by consuming a dehydrated Virgin Mary tear. That's how he got his superhuman powers...

Auction End Date = Dec-12-06 05:01:17 PST

St. Joseph Relic
Tags: st nicholas, saint nicolas, st valentine, st joseph, chuck norris, santa claus, relic, the pope and his grave robbers, bling
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Harry Mappy Christmukkahwanzaa

2006-12-05T13:50:00.000-08:00

Holy Jesus Mindy, I'm so sorry. I totally was intending on getting back to your letter/request last night but I got really drunk. As for the rest of you... Send me an request for a gift idea. Now no to Mindy's letter...

Hey Watch,

My grandma is an annoying old bat who reads and buys into everything her chain letter emails tell her. She's all up in arms with this BS war on christmas crap. Last year she got everyone a copy of that damned "The War on Christmas" book by FoxNews douche John Gibson. What can I get her to repay her for her nonsense?

Mindy

Here is my response:

Mindy,

Even though I already typed it in this post. I'm sorry for not getting to this yesterday. Bah.

I have the perfect gift idea for your grandma... Buy her the Chrismukkah book. That's right. Screw saying Happy Holidays. Make up a big old word by mushing together holiday names.

The makers of this book claim that it this 10 day holiday that rolls up Christmas, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, Shabe Yalda, Bodhi Day, and even Festivus into one fantastic party! Tell Granny that this book is a UN Peace Accord in this War on Christmas. Then piss on her rug and tell her it's a new tradition.

TheWatchList

Click here to see the my response to Mindy.

I wonder if everyone who is all babbling about boycotting the "Happy Holidays" saying stores actually go through with it. I seriously doubt it. Good news for them though. Apparently Wal*Mart is a Merry Christmas retailer agian. That means you can get hotdogs and let your kids pick out their favorite Hot Wheels car out of the bin this year.

Seriously, what if when I say "Happy Holidays" I mean "Merry Whatever the fuck you celebrate and Happy Fucking New Year in case I don't have the luxury of seeing your dumb ass until afterwards"??? But no, now it is political... Oh well. I know that my christian hero Santa Claus is cool enough to think this is all a bunch of BS. To prove it, I'm gonna mail one these out to Santa and I'm guessing he'd wear it...

Auction End Date = Dec-10-06 18:27:48 PST

Chrismukkah is the new Happy Holidays
Tags: christmas, chrismukkah, yarmulke, kippah, john gibson is a douche, multicultural holiday, war on christmas idiots, multicultural holiday, happy holidays
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree

2006-12-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

Why the hell did my wife make me buy thee.
Your pokey needles and sticky sap
Who'd pay eighty-seven fifty for that crap?
Add some decorations, a stand, and more
I guess that's what credit cards are for.
Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree
You'll be the fucking death of me.

Mindy (I didn't put your last name so you are still sorta anonymous), I promise I will answer your gift request tonight. As for the rest of you... Send me an request for a gift idea.

Now, as promised, here is the background on my weekend joy...

The wife decided we needed a real tree this year. So we trek out to this real tree farm. So I get a saw and murder a tree and then murder my checkbook paying for it.

I hate real christmas trees. HATE. HATE. First off, I am a cheapsake. Well not really but I'd prefer to waste my money on other shit. Anyways, she had me buy a quasi-expensive fake tree a year or two ago so why drop the dough on the real tree? Secondly, real trees make a big damn mess.

By mess I mean that I got sasquatch spooge all over my jacket and hands. I'm trying to figure out a way to get the sap off of my coat because even 2 days later it still smells like a pine tree's asshole. I guess the upside is that if get fired from my day job I'll just stop showering, wear my Pine-Sol fresh coat and I can get a job as a cabbie. Seriously though ladies and lumberjacks, if you have any tips let me know.

Supposedly this stuff will work, but again it's just more money spent related to that god damned pagan tree so I refuse to even try...

No End Date = eBay Store Item

Pine Sap Remover
Tags: christmas tree, pagan tradition, sap, tree farm
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Celebration of Cultures

2006-12-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

Emails are still coming in. I today was busy for me (I'll explain a little about it tomorrow) so I only have time to answer 1 of the 2 emails. I promise I will do my best to get to all of them, no matter how many there end up being. Keep the gift advice questions coming.

Before I get to that, I'd like to share with you a touching video. It's about celebrating all cultures. As you will see in the video, Christian, ~~Judiac~~ Jedi, and Kwanzaa traditions are all brought together by this fantastic young lady named Sky.

Now, on to the letter...

Watchlist,

I can never figure out what to get my father. He has pretty much everything so each year I get him the typical Dad thing (tools or golf stuff). Since mom past away earlier this year I wanted get something special. Can you help me find the perfect gift for dad?

Answer Me Please

Here is my response:

AMP,

Unfortunately, you didn't provide me with very much information on your father other than 1) he's a dad 2) he's a recent widower and 3) he might play golf. I guess that is a bit to work with though.

After checking eBay, I found out that you are in luck. eBay has thousands of auction lots claiming to be the perfect gift. If your father is still looking for closure with the recent death of your mother, I'd suggest getting him that closure by buying him this (well, and airfare if needed).

Don't get me wrong. I think that Crossing Over/John Edward guy is lying piece of shit. He is a good cold reader though and some people actually believe him (and find closure).

If you don't think you dad would be interested in that (maybe he's already found closure), get him a set of Taylor Made R7 irons. Let's be honest. Now that your mom is dead, he'll probably finally be able to get out on the links without getting nagged. Plus who knows, when someone notices his new set of clubs he might meet your future stepmother.

TheWatchList

Click here to see the my response to Answer Me Please.

Because I'm still feeling the transcultural joy of that video, I leave you with this item for all you who worship cats...

Auction End Date = Dec-10-06 22:00:00 PST

Cat Angel Tree Topper
Tags: jedi, darth vader, kwanzaa song, free advice, perfect gift, cat lover, tree topper
File as: Gift Ideas From Hell

Gift Ideas From Hell

2006-12-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

Can't figure out what to buy that special someone? Send me an email telling me a little about them and I will provide you with a few gift suggestions. Don't worry, I'll change your/their names so you can remain anonymous when I share the question/answer with my readers.

Why am I doing this? Because it seems like a fun idea. I got an email last night from someone asking for a gift idea. Here goes:

Dear TheWatchList,

I got a puppy from one of my friends this summer and I was wondering what to get this holiday season. My friend and her family are Jewish, which is where the problem comes in. I don't really know much about the Jewish faith and I'd really like to get something for my puppy that appropriate for his heritage. Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks,

Interfaith Holiday In Hoboken

My response to IHIH is this...
I will always post my responses for everyone's benefit.

Dear IHIH,

It is very thoughful of you to make your new dog comfortable by celebrating it's cultural traditions even though they may not match your own.

My cousin's dog is Jewish and he loves toys by Zanies and Chewish Treats, both of which are avialable on eBay. I'd strongly suggest the dreidel by Zanies. Chewish Treats makes a dreidel, but it carries silly dog related symbols instead of the traditional Hebrew lettering like the Zanies one. Also, if you're interested, here are some great kosher dog treats.

Thanks for stopping by,

TheWatchList

So folks, feel free to send your questions. Also, if you'd like you can check out Zanies other dog toys here...

No End Date = eBay Store Item

Jewish Dog Toys for Chanukah
Tags: chanukah, gift advice, hard to buy for, free advice, hanukkah dog toys
File as: Gift Ideas From Hell

Sufjan Searches And Others

2006-12-01T12:29:00.000-08:00

So the other day I was digging through my stats and found a google search that made me giggle. The search term was "Get Behind Me Santa", which is a play on Jesus's supposed words during while the devil was trying to tempt him.

It ends up it is a a song by Sufjan Stevens. Sufjan Stevens is a folk singer. The song is a bit much for me but some of the lyrics are quite funny.

If you want to browse samples of music you should check out one of my favorite sites, Non-Standard.net.

As for the Sufjam Stevens christmas album, I'm not sure if I want it or not. I've been on a bit of a folk kick lately but from the songs I've heard I can't tell if it is worth the purchase or not. I'm only really interested in the humorous songs and don't need the 5 disc set of traditional christmas songs with a few funny originals mixed in...

If you can lend me some insight to these other searches, I'd appreciate it:

"pimp and ho santa"
an image search for "racist poetry"
"affair milf"
"corpses + boners" - multiple times from googlers in the land of OZ?
"tickle hell"
"word for 'exacted satisfaction'"
"up the ying-yang brokeback"
"marylin manson's grocery list"

As for today's eBay, how would you like to swap for some dehydrated Jessica Simpson spit...

Auction End Date = Dec-04-06 19:07:37 PST

DNA samples on used chewing gum
Tags: get behind me santa, strange searches, jessica simpson, sufjan stevens
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

My Favorite Holiday Movie

2006-11-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

This week's contest begins today. Comment on any of the posts dated 11/30/06 through 12/6/06. Each comment is an entry to win one of four 250 BE credit prizes. Enter as many times as you wish (without spamming me). Because of the way BE allows credit transfers, you can unfortunately only win 250 per person this week. Your comment must be dated no later than 11:59:59pm as per this blogs time/date stamp.

Enough of that... Someone showed me this great video of some guys who spread holiday cheer by giving balloons to people who seem to have trouble practicing what they preach.

For some reason this video makes me think Fight Club. That could be because I'm crazy. I just think the main guy from this video sounds a little like Brad Pitt from Fight Club. Plus it looks like homework... Pick a fight with a stranger. Lose the fight.

Oh wait, this doesn't have shit to do with holidays?! Does anyone know any good holiday online videos? Link me in the comments.

No End Date = eBay Store Item

I'm not buying what you're selling
Tags: water balloons from heaven, fight club, no soliciting
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Virgin Mary Pregnant Again!

2006-11-29T17:28:00.000-08:00

Holy Jesus it's a miracle. The 16 year old playing the Virgin Mary in the movie "The Nativity Story" magically finds herself pregnant. Her acting was so good that she even fooled God into thinking she was the real deal.

Keisha Castle-Hughes did such a good job protraying the Virgin Mary that the Lord got confused for the real deal and blessed her with child. I think that we all should stand together and support her no matter what her choice is.

In the mean time, I figured I would do a good thing and point out how eBay has a great program for handling auctions for charitable causes. I couldn't find an active auction for Catholics for a Free Choice, so I listed a shirt that supports the cause...

No End Date = eBay Store Item

Check the fine print...
Tags: christmas baby, the nativity story, pregnancy, irony
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Disgusting Hairs on eBay

2006-11-28T08:17:00.000-08:00

I saw an eBay related article about a guy who is trying to set the Guinness World Record for longest arm hair... If the 4.1" arm hair (seen here) makes the record book, he suggested he might try selling it on eBay.

eBay has a rule against selling of human remains, but that rule has a few exceptions. Selling hair is one of them. Oddly enough, selling of hair isn't all that uncommon. If you count religious relics that contain hair strands, there is pretty much always hair available for purchase.

Here's the hows and whys relating to selling hair on eBay...

Say for example you had strands of hair from Saint Peter and Saint Paul (you know, those dudes from the bible who rolled with Jesus...). Since you know that hairs off of old religious dudes are considered first class relics and are almost as collectable as a lock of Santa Claus's hair, you want to punt this thing off on eBay to the highest bidder (which by the way is about as Christ-massy of a gift as you can get for someone... Hair off the skulls of the decomposed bodies of the dudes Jesus hung out with... Much better than Kincade Gallery crap). So you go ahead and make an auction listing for the Peter, Paul, and ~~Mary~~ hair strands just like this one...

Auction End Date = Dec-03-06 15:25:43 PST

Jesus, that's gross
Tags: santa claus, lock of hair, saint peter, saint paul, jon sanford, religious relic, guinness world record, reliquary
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Pimps Up, Ho Ho Hos Down

2006-11-27T07:09:00.000-08:00

Actually, with the Ho Ho Hos down the north pole pimps ain't too happy either... I saw this article about how in Berlin there is an agency that is short on people to hire out as Santa's this year. After reading it, Heinzelmaennchen agency sounds more like one of the local massage parlors here. They hire out Santa's on Christmas Eve to go around to houses and do their little thing for the kiddies.

The Ober-Weinachtsmann (supposedly translates to "chief Santa Claus", even though I'm pretty sure it means "Pimp") says that they typical employee students. He also said that while they have a certain body image they are looking for, they take what they can get. The problem is treatment of the santas in the stable.

The santa pimp makes the ho ho hos buy their own outfits and he takes a cut of their trick money. Since they only do 10 or 12 a season, they only make about $200. I'm assuming they have to pay for transportation also since the article also mentioned that if the santa's get behind on their work, they have to hustle and haul ass to the next location.

The girls who work at the massage parlors here get about the same treatment. One of the local service shops with in home-service got shutdown as of late for excessive prostitution charges and operating without proper permits (which is too bad because it's hard to find a place that offers home delivery of two girl topless massages or fantasy roleplay)...

Bah humbug! I guess that means no Christmas Eve "massage" for me from hired help wearing one of these...

Auction End Date = Nov-28-06 20:11:06 PST

Merry Christmas
Tags: santaclaus, santa costume, ober-weinachtsmann, berlin, massage parlor, at home service, happy ending, christmas pimp
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Not On My Xmas List

2006-11-24T09:16:00.000-08:00

I collect books and read quite a bit. One book that I won't be asking for this holiday season is OJ's ghost written "If I Did It" book about how he would have killed his ex-wife Nicole, if he did it.

Copies of this publisher pulled book are hitting eBay but they are being pulled has the publisher reports them to eBay. Any of these books still out are now considered stolen property, and it's against the law to sell them. EBay isn't big on allowing obvious crimes so they are pulling them, but they are slow about it. Update: eBay has speed up on this. They even pulled the completed auctions.

The lawyers for Nicole Brown Simpson's family have been checking on these auctions. One of the lawyers is leaving comments on the auctions. One seller was kind enough to share the lawyer's question/comments...

Q: My name is Natasha Roit. I am the attorney for the family of Nicole Brown Simpson. This book has been recalled by Newscorp and ordered destroyed. You are selling stolen property. A demand is hereby made on you and has been made on eBay that you immediately cease and desist this auction, and that eBay maintain your seller information as the family reserves all legal rights against you in this regard. This book should be immediately returned to NewsCorp for destruction and proof of such return should be forwarded to my office. Phone number (310) 657 7871; fax no. (310) 657 3026

The seller's response was...(spelling left as is)

A: You call me thief?.,i purchased this book from my fried and pay yo to him, , i did nor broke any rule from ebay and i'm good to sell, HE WAS FOUND NO GUILTY AND WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ,YOU NATASHA TOOK A LOT OF MONEY FROM THIS SAD PAEOPLE I LOOKSLIKE YOU ARE ONE HUNGRY MONEY BITVH!

Click here to see the the lawyer's and seller's comments. The auction will be pulled by eBay so pointing at the auction will likely be worthless, but it might still be up.

Okay, now... My first thought was what right do the lawyers for Nicole's family have in going after secondary market sellers of this tasteless book? Well, they don't. My first guess was that it was because OJ owed some 33 million to the families of the victims because of the civil wrongful death lawsuit. But... OJ already got his check (sorta). These have nothing to do with putting $$ in the Juice's account. So then, what?

The lawyer for the victims families in the civil case has her own book out. What are your thoughts on the families's lawyers getting involved in the secondary market sales of this book?

Auction End Date = Nov-28-06 19:43:32 PST

OJ Simpson Painting
Tags: if i did it, oj simpson, o.j., isbn 0061238287, orenthal james, reganbooks, harpercollins
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Jon Brough Benefit Auction

2006-11-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

Please read:
This post will remain at the top of my blog until the benefit auction is over. The auction is for the Jon Brough Fund. Last week, Sgt. Jon Brough was shot and critically wounded in the line of duty during a standoff with a double murder suspect.

I was asked by the seller to help get the word out about this auction. Please check out the auction and add it to your watched list. Click -> WATCH <- to add this auction to your watch list. The more people who watch this, the higher it goes in eBay Pulse. If it makes the Pulselist, it will get more traffic from eBayers who monitor Pulse. More traffic will hopefully translate to more bidders. Golden Palace Casino has already found this one and is bidding. Hopefully a few other big players will jump in and start bidding.

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone for looking. MajorGeeks.com was the winning buyer with a high bid of $960.

Jon Brough benefit auction
Auction End Date = Nov-24-06 07:53:39 PST

Tags: charity, jon brough, benefit auction, in the line of duty, ebay pulse, golden palace casino, watch list

File as: Reader Submitted Auction

All I Want For Christmas

2006-11-23T00:22:00.000-08:00

Or Chanukah or Kwanzaa is for you to tell me what you want. This is the post for Week 1 of my Tis The Season BlogExplosion Credit Give Away. Leave a comment here with at least the important bits of your holiday wishlist. Make it honest, make it funny, I don't care either way as long as you submit it to the comments on this post.

One person who submits his/her wish list to this post will be randomly drawn to receive 500 BE credits. Also, all the comments on this post will count towards the 400 credit 2nd Chance prize. They will also be elligible for my favorite comment prize which pays out a whopping 100 credits. The comment must be dated between now and 11:59:59pm local time of this blog on the 29th to count for the give away.

I'm going to share with you all another item off of my wish list to help inspire you...

Auction End Date - Nov-28-06 09:14:46 PST

Buy Me a Baga Statue
Tags: my wishlist, christmas list, kwanzaa gifts, chanukah gifts, blogexplosion
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Tis The Season

2006-11-22T16:13:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be giving away 4000 BlogExplosion credits over the next 4 weeks. BE only let's me give away 1000 a week so each week might have slightly different ways to play for credits.

For those of you who don't know, BlogExplosion is one of the top blog promotion communities. You surf for credits and use your credits to get visits. You can also wager in Battle of the Blog, where you pit your blog up against someone elses and let the readers vote. They have a few other games, forums, a handy stat counter, chats, and an online station.

Since this is Week 1 for The ~~Grocery~~ Christmas List From Hell, I guess I should make this credit giveaway relate. From today until the 28th, post a comment letting me know what's on your holiday wish list on tomorrow's post (the post dated the 23rd)...

One person who posts their wish list will be randomly selected to win 500 credits on the 29th. Also, any comments on the front page of my blog by the end of the 28th (as per my blog's time/date) will be entered into a 2nd Chance Drawing, also worth 400 credits. For the 2nd Chance Drawing, each post counts as an entry (3 comments equals 3 entries, comments I consider spam will be deleted). The last 100 credits will go to whoever posts what I consider the best comment, best for whatever reason I dream up at the time I'm ready to pass out the credits.
Click here to see the details on how to win credits.

As for this post, feel free to provide any interesting ideas you have on how I should give away next week's 1000 credits. Any comments on this post will count on the entries into the 2nd chance drawing even if this post eventually gets bumped from the main page of my site.

Here is something else from my Christmas list...

EBay Store Item

Buy Me This
Tags: my wishlist, blogexplosion, buy me this
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Wii Love Auctions Like This

2006-11-22T14:06:00.000-08:00

EBay is fun because some people out there do creative and silly things with their auctions. For example, there was a guy selling a PS3 who moved to the front of the line with a little help from Ex-Lax. I'm pretty sure that one took the cake for wacky Playstation auctions.

But alas, a new console was released 2 short days later. What did that mean for eBay besides being flooded with those wanting to turn a quick buck? It means we would all get to see a treat like this. This has to be the most creative auction for a ~~Nintendo Wii~~ big red straw ever...

Auction End Date = Nov-30-06 14:51:46 PST

Wii silliness
Tags: wii, best wii auction, big red straw, bag of target popcorn, ex-lax, funny auctions
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

It's The Gift That Counts

2006-11-21T18:49:00.000-08:00

I've been sifting through all the lists of the hottest toys for the holiday season this year for some material for a post that I hope to have put together sometime this weekend. In the mean time, I found this lovely Christmas themed commercial that I felt like sharing. I wouldn't have done it but it was too good not to share...

Now that I have you all buttered up with that touching video, I figure I might as well hit you up for something from my very own Holiday Wish List...

Auction End Date = Nov-28-06 05:00:06 PST

Buy Me This
Tags: my wishlist, direct tv, christmas commercial, christmas monsters, buy me this
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

The Christmas List From Hell

2006-11-20T20:10:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo for the holidays. Happy Christmas, Merry Chanukah, and Blessed Kwanzaa! The Grocery List From Hell is temporarily changing up to The Christmas List From Hell. I'm going to post my wishlist, popular gifts, and strange gift ideas. I'm gonna kick it off with some Christmas Devils you can find on eBay.

I'd like to think that these Christmas devils were inspired by our good friend Knecht Ruprecht. More people might know him by the name Krampus. Krumpus is old St. Nick's partner in the good cop bad cop routine. St. Nicholas gives out gifts to the good children, Krampus beats the bad kids' asses with a rod.

Here in my home state, he's known as Pelznickel. In France he is called Père Fouettard, in parts of Germany he is called Hans Muff. I wonder if the Simpsons creators are obsessed with him? Bartel and Flanders are other regional names for the Christmas enforcer, who is santa's little helper after all... Okay, so maybe I'm reaching a little for that one.

Anyways, I'm sure those bobble heads have nothing to do with Krampus, but I bet these German Christmas tree bulbs do...

Devil - Krampus - Pelznickel Christmas tree bulbs

Tags: christmas, krampus, devil, knecht ruprecht, krampusz, flanders, santa's little helper, christmas list
File as: The Christmas List From Hell

Blah Blah So What

2006-11-20T14:16:00.000-08:00

Because I have no real direction with this blog, I'm going to be adjusting the content a little.

Snarking on the news is getting boring. It wasn't really my original intention when I first set this thing up anyways. I started to build a new site, a self hosted WordPress thing (well 2 blogs in one even), yay for me. It is entirely geared towards eBay (free auction promotion and crap like that). It's mostly done, but for now I've decided to shelf it.

I'm still going to stick with the eBay theme stuff here. Oh, and the Grocery List From Hell theme isn't going anywhere either. There will be fewer rants though. I'm thinking more of a Virgil's tour of eBay Hell sorta thing. Maybe even play a little personal shopper/bargain hunter.

I am working on a contest to give away 1000 credits for blogexplosion. For those of you who don't know what BE is, it's a blog traffic promoting tool. Check back tomorrow for details on how to get BE credits.

No tags or auction item this time...

Playstation 3 (PS3) and Wii on eBay

2006-11-18T22:12:00.000-08:00

If you have to have a PS3 or Wii ASAP, check these auction searches out to get them cheaper and save money if you decide to buy on eBay. I tried my best to sort out auctions for email addresses or domain names. I will try to update this as prices start to change and I find improved search methods so check back often. Remember: Always read the description before purchasing because some people are deceptive assholes.

Below will be links to misspelled auction titles and to "Buy It Now" auctions. The "Buy It Now" links are sorted so it will display the most recently listed. Check often because if someone lists one on the low side, it will go quick. Also, pricing for any auction on eBay for items that there are 100s listed vary depending on the time of day the item ends.

Playstation 3 searches on eBay:
Auctions listed with common playstation 3 misspellings
All "Buy it Nows" for PS3 $675 or less
**See what people are currently paying for the 20gb PS3 - (auctions ending in the next hour).
All "Buy it Nows" for 60gb units for $900 or less. Read the descriptions before buying. Some people do stupid things like say "Playstation 20gb not 60gb" and this unfortunately will find those too.
**See what people are currently paying for the 60gb PS3 - (auctions ending in the next hour).

Nintendo Wii searches on eBay:
Buy it Nows Nintendo Wii for 350 or less. If that doesn't find any (they go quick), try 400 and less. Completed auctions are now going for $325 to $425. Notice the idiots who are getting in bidding wars when there are better deals to be had on the Buy It Nows. Update: The buy it nows for $350 or less are getting very scarce. Bids are ending at around $350 and people seem to be asking for $400 or more on the Buy It Nows...
**See what people are currently paying for the Wii - (auctions ending in the next hour).

Here are some examples of Buy It Nows that already sold today (11/18)...
A 60gb PS3 for $850, a 20gb PS3 for $799.99, and a Wii for $350.
While these are all higher than retail, they are much lower than the going rate on ebay. Shop smart for your Playstaion or Wii and save some money.

Tags: playstation 3 auctions, ps3, playstation 3, wii, misspelt auctions, wii, sony, buy it now, nintendo, ebay bargains
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

400,000 PS3 On The Wall

2006-11-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

Take one down, smash it into the ground, 399,999 PS3s on the wall...

Warning: Do not watch this video if you
are pissed about not getting a PS3

I wonder if people who can't spell "Playstation" on their auction title sell their consoles for as much as the others? See a few playstation misspellings here...

UPDATE: The SmashOurStuff.com people made a Smash My Wii video too. Of course they had to make them to go along with the older iPod and XBox smash up vids.

Auction End Date = Nov-18-06 06:50:29 PST

Sony Plastation 3! 20GB HD version
Tags: smashmyps3.com, ps3, playstation 3, sledgehammer, misspelt auctions
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

PS3 Frenzy, Fights, and Crime

2006-11-16T19:19:00.000-08:00

The 17th is quickly approaching. That means that in less than an hour people will be cracking open their brand spanking new Playstation 3 and to sniff up all the new console smell. Others will be posting them on eBay...

The craziness has already begun. Here are few youtubes on lines for the PS3 (news blurb, home video of a line, and a campers documentary). More fun is the stupid fighting and other silliness... Kentucky PS3 campers were shot with BB guns (along with an innocent reporter who was doing a story on them), fanboys close down Walmart, fisticuffs in San Diego, the jackass who took the pole position in a race for the PS3, and some campers got robbed.

UPDATE:... Michael Penkala, the William Wallace of PS3 campers says you can take my life but you'll never take my PS3 money and trades his spot in line for a ride in an ambulance. I'm guessing he didn't get his PS3.
The news keeps coming in... PS3 thief gets critically stabbed, store robbed of 5 consoles, buyer robbed in parking lot, and more craziness still being reported.

I'm sure there is more news about retarded playstation drama. Share it if you found some or something wacky happened relating to the PS3 in your area... Speaking of wacky playstation stuff, Playstation 3 consoles on eBay are fetching a couple grand a piece now. A week ago or so they were only pulling about $1200 - $1400. Since eBay sellers can auctually ship, the prices have jumped. Click here to see the rest of this post including updated news.

While the thought of making $1500 or so in profit from reselling a PS3 is attractive , it wasn't enough to get me to join this circus. If you stood in line, share any crazy stories so I can live vicariously through you. Of course if you did and you intend on keeping your PS3, no one will hear from you for 3 days. I'm not getting in line until they release the next Playstation. Check out this shirt for it...

No End Date = eBay Store Item

Pornstation 3
Tags: PS3, playstation 3, elizabeth dorsett, fanboy violence, bb gun driveby, launch day, playstation crime, sony, ebay
File as: This is your news on drugs

Oprah and Men's Health

2006-11-15T17:09:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I posted about severe issues with Blogger outages. Blogger decided to suck a little more today and had more outages... I gave up on trying to post and instead turned to my TV friend Oprah.

The next thing I know, I start feeling all bloated and strange. Eventually I got cramps. Then I started bleeding. Scared and confused, I rushed to the hospital.

The doctor said that I needed to stop watching Oprah before I suffer a more extreme reaction. They told me about the new Surgeon General warning and suggested I either go cold turkey or ween myself off of that stuff by leaning on the Dr Phil Show when I get the urge.

I left thinking to myself... "A more extreme reaction?" I was bleeding. How much more extreme can it get? I watched those film strips back in the 5th grade when they made us go in a different room as the girls. That shit ain't supposed to happen. I didn't realize that that Oprah Show shit was that bad, but I've learned my lesson. I guess that means I need to get rid of this shirt...

Auction End Date = Nov-18-06 07:03:34 PST

Oprah Worship Shirt
Tags: blogger, oprah, surgeon general warning, oprah show, menstrual cramps, dr phil, pms
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

I Had A Dream Last Night

2006-11-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

I had a really crazy day yesterday... I don't even know where to start. This is seriously the kind of stuff that shakes you to your core...

Yesterday was in the catacomb like basement of a building that is over 120 years old. I was down there with a group of people. There were six of us. Because we weren't prepared, only two of us had flash lights and two others had various testing equipment. I was't one of the lucky four so I had nothing...

Anyways, up until the 1970s, this building was a place where people went to die. Hundreds of people breathed their last breath there. Knowing this, some in our group were already a little creeped out about this...

We found all kinds of creepy things down there. Then to top it all off, we found what appeared to be some sort of slimy ectoplasm. At that point, myself and another member of the group immediately vacated the basement since we had no gear and it was really getting to be too much...

For the rest of the day I felt sick. After I got home, I went to sleep by 7:30pm and didn't wake up until almost 12 hours later. I felt like shit when I woke up, mostly because I kept having weird dreams about that basement including one that seemed to be a premonition...

The dream was that they fired the one of the janitors for shaking his stick to the creepy ass skin magazines that we found in the basement and leaving puddles of man glue down their in that humid musty ass basement to never ever dry. Fucking foul. Where do you even find magazines like that anyways? That stuff made Goatse look normal... If you don't know about Goatse, count your blessings.

Click here to see the rest of this post including the details of the dream.

Auction End Date = Nov-19-06 17:21:44 PST

If only we found this instead...
Tags: ectoplasm, haunted, basement, musty, creepy, premonition
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Longaberger Baskets & Hank

2006-11-12T20:54:00.000-08:00

A friend from work is selling her Longaberger Baskets and wanted to know if I could help spread the word. I don't know if I can help her at all because I don't know how many of my regulars are looking for retired Longaberger Baskets. She said something about selling nearly a hundred or so starting now and running over the next month or so, 5 to 10 at a time. Something about selling them for a friend who used to be a Longaberger dealer and has rooms full at their house just sitting in boxes...

Anyways, she is also selling some old baseball cards she found in her mom's attic. She said she will be selling them a few at a time. The one she has listed right now at this moment is a 57 Topps Hank Aaron.

Auction End Date = Nov-19-06 17:21:44 PST

Hank Aaron attic find...
Tags: Tags: longaberger, baskets, 57 Hank Aaron, longaberger dealer
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Quick Question

2006-11-11T18:56:00.000-08:00

So, do you walk around all day thinking that your pants might be unzipped? Do you check your zipper like 5 or 6 times a day at least that you notice? When in public places do you intentionally walk past mirrors and reflective items so you can check to make sure that your zipper is up without having to check by hand?

Yeah, me neither. Only crazy people do shit like that.

Speaking of crazy people, this guy is either crazy or a genius… He allegedly has been grabbing women’s asses while pretending to remove a tick from their clothing. In a few cases, he attempted to pull of few of these bug infested broads’ pants down. I’m not sure why the ladies were complaining, I’m sure he was just trying to protect them from Lyme Disease.

The problem with determining the difference between crazy and genius is that it often straddles a thin line between the two. The reason why this guy just might be a genius is this… He was wearing a jacket and driving a truck for a tree service. The catch is that the cops are unable to find any listings for the name of that business. Accident or an intentional smoke screen? They’ll have to catch him if were ever gonna find out. My guess is that it was probably a tree farm or lumber sales called “I Got Wood” or something catchy like that… Oh wait, maybe that's why I'm always worried about my zipper... Shit.

Auction End Date = Nov-15-06 22:30:00 PST

Me and Ed both
Tags: wisconsin, tick, cop a feel, tree service, Milwaukee, Waukesha, ocd, zipper, pants unzipped
File as: This is your news on drugs, Me, myself, and I rant

Happy Post Election Day

2006-11-08T05:42:00.000-08:00

Elections are over. I hope that all the criminals you voted for won? Oops. They aren't officially criminals until they get indicted and then found guilty... For the most part I got what I expected out of my vote. I only had one minor issue.

I don't know who I voted for because apparently these machines don't work so well. When someone like Micheal Young, Allentown conspiracy theorist(and maybe amatuer artist/mathmetician), beat the shit out of the machine they don't work at all.

Okay, I'm not 100% sure this is the same Michael Young but... From Allentown PA. Check. Age 43 vs talks about being in school in the 70s and not having interest in math (43 would make him 7 in 1970, 70s would cover his primary education). Check. There are a few Michael Youngs in Allentown, but how many are in their 40s?

Oh well. I'm just glad that we have at least a 12 month break from campaign commercials anyways. That has to be worth something, right? For those of you who loved the commercials, check Washington Post's Top 10. One from that list got a lot of air time here. Candidates here ruthless and the commercials made them both look like crooks. We elected one and were given this pin so we wouldn't forget our place...

No End Date = Ebay Store Item

I voted Libertarian
Tags: michael young, allentown pa, midterm elections, voting machine, political process, political commercials, conspiracy
File as: This is your news on drugs

Either They Didn’t Believe

2006-11-07T22:42:00.000-08:00

...or their chosen mythos is incorrect.

Mark 16:16 – 18 says that a true believer can take up serpents and drink any deadly thing and they won’t be hurt. It also says that they can lay hands on the sick and perform healings…

So, that means that Linda F. Long of London KY was going to the wrong church. She was bit while handling a snake at the East London Holiness Church and died within 4 hours. Her faith did not pass the test. The faith of those who should have been able to lay hands on her was also tested. She's dead, so their faith must not be up to par either.

Where is Benny Hinn when you need him? Oh yeah, he’s bilking people in South America. I love that guy… I don’t know if it when he asks people to lay their hands on the TV screen or maybe his fantastic haircut...

Auction End Date = Nov-10-06 02:19:19 PST

eBay item #300045200102
Tags: linda long, do you believe in magic, snake handlers, serpents, vipers, London Kentucky, east london holiness church, mark 16:18, take up serpents
File as: This is your news on drugs

Today I'm In a Mood

2006-11-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

For more information, listen here. Don't worry, it isn't an evil link. It will pop up your default media player though. It is a link to a 30 second sample of Trouble So Hard by the late great Vera Hall-Ward.

It was recorded a million years ago by Alan Lomax. If you are familiar with Alan Lomax and/or you like music, you should check out his catalog. He spent his lifetime preserving music from across the world so there is something for all tastes. Since the sample I'm linking to is from Barnes & Noble (bn.com), I figure I should be nice and link to the album there so you could purchase or listen to more samples if you want.

Because I think Barnes & Noble are a bit on the high side for cost (especially for items that they don't stock in stores and aren't paying retail floorspace for), I will include a search on eBay and a link to one in particular since you can get them new there with shipping for $2 less than BN.com's price before shipping. I think if you spend x $$ at bn.com though you get free shipping.

No End Date = eBay Store Item

eBay item #110043793020
Tags: Trouble So Hard, Vera Hill, Hill-Ward, Alan Lomax, folk, spiritual
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Bobbing For Assholes

2006-10-31T12:54:00.000-08:00

Even the President got in on the Halloween shenanigans. He did an entire press conference this morning about North Korea while wearing this huge silly belt buckle that looked like the back of Donald Rumsfeld’s head. What a cornball…

Wait a minute... Eehll. Gross… That is Donald Rumsfeld!

And it looks like poor Donny got some President in his eye. Woohhll, oh god that’s sick.

I don't know if Rumsfeld is uglier than Monica Lewinsky so it is hard to tell if Bush is worse than Clinton or not... Oh wait, I just looked at the picture again and noticed Rumsfeld has wrinkly old people hands. I guess that tips it in Lewinsky's favor.

No End Date = eBay Store Item

eBay item #6256838859
Tags: halloween, donald rumsfeld, george bush, belt buckle, costume, executive privilege
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Sibling Rivalry = A Family Affair

2006-10-30T22:43:00.000-08:00

Are you competitive with your siblings? I am. I am a middle child and for some reason I think that plays into my feeling like I need to one up my siblings every chance I get. Sometimes the friendly competition becomes less than friendly and people get injured. It happens…

One time I shoved my older brother after a very rough game of basketball, knowing he had an ingrown toenail. I timed my evil cheap shot just right, and his foot slid under a closed door. Revenge exacted, satisfaction achieved.

I’ve done other things that are a bit worse. I’ll share those later maybe. How far have you gone to get revenge on siblings? What type of things have your evil siblings done to get back at you? Let me hear all the gory details, as long as they aren’t as gory as what 19 year-old Gary Helms Jr (aka The Alabama Slamma) did to get back at his brother. That guy is one sick mother fucker.

I wonder if that guy got confused and thought his mom’s trailer was a frat house. The article says she was passed out drunk on the couch. And word has it that this is a hobby of his. Even still, I don't care if she is a MILF like this lady selling her panties on eBay… It's just wrong.

No End Date = EBay Store Item

MILF humor shirt
Tags: gary helms jr, passed out drunk, rape, revenge, milf, albertville alabama, sibling rivalry, incest
File as: Me, myself, and I rant, This is your news on drugs

Next Biggest Thing In Blogging

2006-10-30T20:06:00.000-08:00

So, I have resigned to the fact that I will never have the best blog in the world. I am completely over it because I have a new plan. The best part is that I am inviting all of you to join the party.

I am going to create the biggest blog in the world. That’s right. The Biggest Blog in the world. I’m designing it around the screen resolution of 3840 x 2400, which happens to be the max res of the NVIDIA Quadro FX 5500. If you don’t have the gear, get ready to use your scroll bar.

Not everyone has a video card or display that handles this display, but that’s okay. It’s all about finding and serving a niche market. Plus, in like 4 years when more people are using that screen resolution, I’ll be well established.

Let me know if you want to be featured on the blogroll, let me know… In the mean time, check out these books on blog design.

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #180042080612
Tags: blog design, blogging, trends, niche+market
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Haunted Hayride Too Authentic

2006-10-29T18:16:00.000-08:00

Trail of Spooks Hay Rack Ride has to be the best and the scariest Halloween-themed hay ride in the United States. They go all out to give you the creepy crawlies on this 45 minute trip that will haunt you for the rest of your life. It definitely was burned into the minds of one trailer full of thrill seekers Saturday.

56 year old Frank Pfister (listed on some sites at Frank Kester) died on the hayride Saturday night. When I say "on the hayride" I mean ON THE HAYRIDE. His death most likely wasn’t caused by fear though since he was one of the volunteers working the hay ride. His death had a lot more to do with a bungee cord breaking when he jumped out of a tree to frighten people on the hay wagon.

Frighten them he did. According to one person on the hay ride, his head hit the trailer hard enough that wagon bounced and everyone screamed. I’m guessing that the person whose foot he hit also let out a yelp too. That unnamed person was not seriously injured though. The Fire Department Auxiliary fund raiser probably won't include the dropping corpse scene for next year's event.

Oh, and in poor Frank’s defense, the hay wagon did have one of these nailed to it…

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #140046182532
Tags: halloween, hay ride, wagon, frank pfister, frank kester, trail of spooks, hay rack ride, south coffeyville kansas
File as: This is your news on drugs

Little People, Big Trebuchet

2006-10-29T09:09:00.000-08:00

How many times do I have to warn people? Reality television only wants to talk to you because they see you as a novelty that they can exploit for profits. When reality tv is finished with you, they will toss you aside like all the other people they use and abuse.

A stunt at the Hillsboro Oregon farm and part time reality show set for Little People, Big World required a visit by emergency crews this Saturday. For those of you not familiar with the show Little People, Big World, it follows two little people and their four children (of which only one is a little person). Matt and Amy's average height 9 year-old son of Jacob Roloff was injured when a trebuchet used for tossing pumkins chucked the boy and a Roloff family friend.

EBay has let me me down today because I could only find tiny trebuchet that would be completely dwarved by the 3000lb catapult-like device the Roloffs were using. Since I couldn't find a normal sized trebuchet, I'll share these nifty t-shirts I found intead...

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #300033891608
Tags: halloween, pumkin, trebuchet, roloff, little people, midget, dwarf, reality tv
File as: This is your news on drugs

Halloween Is For The Unholy

2006-10-26T17:11:00.000-07:00

Halloween is approaching. The godless will take to the streets and terrorize all of us wholesome folks. I strongly suggest you watch this video, as it could save your life and the lives of your children...

Scary isn't it. It just goes to show that Satan can be lurking anywhere. God help you if you run into Satan, especially while you are at the grocery. Getting hit with those carts hurts like a bitch. Be safe. Learn to protect yourself from this evil by reading this book…

Auction End Date = Oct-28-06 13:16:44 PDT

eBay item #120046032137
Tags: halloween, satanism, devil worship, evil, godless, occult, satan’s little helper
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Wordless (& Blogless) Wednesday

2006-10-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

This Wordless Wednesday post is brought to by Blogger.com.

Don't adjust your set. Blogger is down yet again. So I guess it is a Blogless Wednesday.

That means I can use words, words like “Piss” and “Shit” and “Damn” and “HTTP 500 - Internal server error” and “Blogger goes down more than the entire lot of Congressional Pages" and “I don’t want to move the site because I’m lazy but this is fucking ridiculous already” probably ought to be enough.

If you can see this shitty post, Blogger must be working again. Read it fast before Blogger goes down again.

Auction End Date = Oct-27-06 12:46:34 PDT

eBay item #110041540817
Tags: blogger, outage, downtime, google, wordless wednesday, get what you pay for, crash, crash, HTTP 500 - Internal server error
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Cracks Me Up

2006-10-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

Has anyone noticed the spike in wedgie related news lately? Just in case you missed it, as always, you can count on me to fill you in…

Wedgie #1 is of the high school bully flavor. Four JV football players in California gave another teammate a wedgie, pulled him around the floor via a rope tied to his ankle, and then kicked him in the nuts. Boys will be boys, no charges filed.

Wedgie #2 is another bully in a high school, but this time the principal is the one who gave a student a wedgie. Read about the Administrator of Pain.

Wedgie #3 is about prisoner abuse. For shits and giggles, a jailer gave an inmate an atomic wedgie, destroying the inmate’s underwear and jailhouse cred. My favorite quote from this article is… “Other inmate statements also alleged that Caiazzo had a penchant for grabbing buttocks and twisting nipples.”

I think that’s all for the recent wedgie news. If you create or are involved in any wedgie news, let me know and I will post a link to the article. Thanks. In the meantime, check out this Wedgie Man Halloween costume.

Auction End Date = Oct-27-06 12:46:34 PDT

eBay item #290043102570
Tags: wedgie, prison abuse, underwear, bully, wedgeman costume, halloween
File as: This is your news on drugs

Stupid Warning Labels

2006-10-24T04:47:00.000-07:00

Don’t you just love some of the stupid warning labels you see on products now? You know, those stupid labels that were written by Captain Obvious himself… The sad thing about these stupid labels is that they’re there because common sense isn’t all that common.

For example, those maximum capacity signs in elevators that say “Maximum Capacity 2500 lbs.” probably would be an indicator that 25 adults should not cram themselves into one. Let’s say the average male 20 yr old weighs 160lbs and the average female of the same age weighs 130lbs. That means 25 college students would weigh between 3250lbs and 4000lbs. That might cause the elevator to malfunction, which in turn could kill someone.

Another example would be metal containers that have “contents under pressure” inside them. Sounds to me like you wouldn’t want do damage that container or heat it up the contents. Putting the contents under additional pressure (via heat or reduced volume of the container) could result in a violent release of pressure. As in don’t put a keg into a burn barrel. It might blow up and kill someone.

I know this probably makes me a bad person, but I find it ironic that the kid who got crushed by the elevator had one of those meme quizzes on his MySpace that included the question How do you want to Die:. "Crushed by elevator while my friends watched" wasn't one of the 2 methods he gave. For another bit of irony, check to see what the keg explosion guy used as his MySpace offline status icon... It's almost as if someone changed his account to tag it after the fact.

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #330018803362

Tags: warning, elevator, accident, keg, irony, death, myspace
File as: This is your news on drugs

The Joy of Burnout

2006-10-23T22:03:00.000-07:00

There’s no place like work. There’s no place like work. There’s no place… Wait, no. I’ve been sick on and off for the last week or so. Add that to me being in a little bit of a funk lately, and my poor blog gets neglected.

Anyways... I figured this would make this an excellent time for me to provide some updates on the crap I’ve splattered all over blogger since my start here lately.

I don’t know if you saw my post about the VW crap ass Walmart guitar giveway or not. If not, you can see it here. Anyways, people are paying between $550 and $675 for these guitars on eBay. THEY ARE CRAP. Crap. CrAp. Seriously.

Since I’m rambling about people paying a lot for stuff on eBay… Have you taken a look what Playstation 3s are selling for? Looks like anywhere from $1000 to $4000. If you have to have a PS3, you have to fork over the $$ unless you want to wait. Also, the Wii preorders are going for double their retail cost.

I need to go get some whiskey to treat my cold. So I guess that’s enough for updates right now. I’ll probably rant tomorrow.

Auction End Date = Oct-13-06 18:32:14 PDT

eBay item #300035410032
Tags: ps3, wii, first act guitar, vw, burnout, ebay
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

One More item of Uzbek Propoganda

2006-10-20T22:02:00.000-07:00

Everyone loves them some Borat. Everyone except maybe Kazakhstan… Poor Kazakhstan thinks they are getting a bad rap from Ali G’s Borat skits. They have started running commercials on CNN to promote Kazakhstan and all it’s splendors. The commercial is terrible. “Kazakhstan, ever wondered?” Horrible tag line…

Well, poor Kazakhstan didn’t do much to help their image when they made a little boo boo when printing up new currency. They had trouble spelling the Kazakh word for “bank” on 80% of the new bills. They decided not to recall the bills, so now they Kazakhs who can afford to have money with typos in their pockets do. I couldn’t find a picture of the bills with the error so here is a sample of an older bill…

The Borat movie comes out November 3rd. If you haven’t been to Borat’s rocking website, go right now. Run, don’t walk. Because I am nice, here is the trailer and a movie poster from eBay...

Auction End Date = Oct-26-06 17:29:20 PDT

eBay item #110045976446
Tags: borat, ali g, kazakhstan, tenge, money, movie, sacha baron cohen, jagshemash
File as: Me, myself, and I rant, This is your news on drugs

My Brain Is Broken

2006-10-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

I was sick last week. I think I am getting sick again. My brain is broken. I’m reading the news and I can barely concentrate. All the words are a jumbled mess and the article is a daze. I was reading about how a EVACUATION PROMPTS KY SPILL on FoxNews.

What? Huh? I might have that mixed up, it might have said something like “Evacuation in KY” or something else like that? Either way, it sounds a little kinky for FoxNews… Through the blur of my headache, I only caught bits and pieces of the article.

Something about “seed” and “a couple ~~of residential blocks~~ in South Fulton, Tenn., also ~~were~~ evacuated, Etherton said” and “said it appeared the ~~inner~~ liner ~~of the tanker~~ failed” and “he didn't know how much had leaked”. There were references to “rainfall” and “a burning sensation”… There was also a great quote that I re-read like 5 times to make sure I was getting it right…

"They were trying to, for lack of better words, put a wooden peg in a hole…" he said.

I’m not sure what that means? I’ll probably go back and read the article again when my head doesn’t hurt. Hopefully it makes more sense than it does right now.

I’m just wondering if the burning sensation came from this…?

Auction End Date = Oct-22-06 18:38:42 PDT

eBay item #270040849605
Tags: KY, warming sensation, burning sensation, lube, evacuation, headache
File as: Me, myself, and I rant, This is your news on drugs

The Bad Apple Who Make iPods

2006-10-18T18:24:00.000-07:00

Yay for me… I won a sexy sleek Black 60Gb iPod Video. I haven’t busted the packaging open yet because I don’t know if I want to eBay or keep it all for myself. Part of me wants the $200 I could get on eBay (the part that pays bills). The greedy "Me Me Me" side says it has been forever since I have won anything and should probably hold it and hug it and love it forever. Who knows when I will something again…

If I do keep it, I have to check it for viruses. Apparently some Mac OS fan boy who works for Apple infected video iPods with virus. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. Apple claims that less than 1% of the iPods that shipped after Sept 12 were infected with a virus. The best part is where they try to put some of the blame on Microsoft...

More details on the ordeal can be found in this PCAdvisor article, which also mentions McDonald’s Japanese "MP3 Player with Virus" giveaway from a couple weeks ago. Oopsies.

Check out these
iPod Humor Shirts on eBay

Tags: apple, ipod video, mp3 player, virus, iPod+humor, funny+shirt, fanboy, bad apple
File as: This is your news on drugs

Prison Puts Boobs On Lockdown

2006-10-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to make the Vanderburgh County Jail (near Evansville Indiana) more family friendly, the sheriff’s department has has started restraining boobies. That’s right ladies… The new prison policy says you much keep your breasts in check.

No more halter tops, sleeveless dresses or shirts, revealing dresses or blouse tops, shorts/skirts cut higher than 2” above the knee, or see-though garments. Also, leave your spandex or extremely tight fitting pants (see booty jeans or camel toe or moose knuckle) at home. Furthermore, policy states that “Adult female visitors, as well as females who would have need of a bra, shall be required to wear a bra.”

I say that everyone should protest by going down to the jail and stand outside topless. Because I live too far away to help contribute to this protest, I am holding a rally at my house. Feel free to stand topless in my front yard. Don’t worry about the law cracking down on the protest, the court always sides with the tits. Earlier this week an appeals court in Florida ruled that women can legally protest topless in public.

Free Speech and the right to peaceful protest means you should can take to the streets topless to make voice your concerns. Just because I probably won’t notice what your sign says or why you are protesting doesn’t mean I’m not on your side. Oh, and apparently bras are dangerous... See this boating warning sticker.

Auction End Date = Oct-22-06 19:04:26 PDT

eBay item #140042547776
Tags: Vanderburgh County Jail, bra required, evansville indiana, flashing, public nudity, protest, topless, dress code
File as: This is your news on drugs

What Are Your Thoughts On This?

2006-10-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

In response to school shootings, a school system in Burleson Texas has changed lesson its plans a little bit. The new curriculum includes a Martyrdom course. Huh what? Okay, they aren’t calling it that. But they are teaching children to attack gun men who enter their classrooms.

Good idea? Bad idea? What are your thoughts on this? Let me know.

The training is run by Response Options, which was started by 2 Fort Worth area SWAT members and is trained by others with police and military experience. The spokesman for the local (Tarrant County) Sheriff’s Department didn’t seem too enthused, but admitted he hasn’t seen the program yet. The federal government seems to like it, considering they gave the school corporation a $95,000 grant to continue the training.

Here is a picture of the Burleson District Director of Emergency Management, who has elected to wear bright colors when on school grounds as to draw potential shooters' attention to herself and away from the children. God bless her for her bravery.

I searched eBay for Tactical Fighting for kids but wasn't finding much. I did however find this great picture of a kid confronting another kid with a gun. I'm just not sure which one is the aggressor?

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #330014402701
Hint hint… Buy this for me.
Tags: school shootings, burleson texas, response options, don’t mess with texas, fort worth, fight back, tarrant county, nickel mines, critical incident training, bisd
File as: Tell me what you really think

Busted For Littering

2006-10-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

Seventeen year-old Emily Davis of Bowling Green Ohio was charged with littering after some antics on the highway resulted in a serious car accident. She threw something out her friend’s car window that caused the vehicle behind them to swerve off the road and flip. When the car flipped, the driver was thrown and broke his neck. The other passenger in the flipped vehicle suffered broken ribs.

What did Ms. Davis throw you ask? Well, here is a hint. She told police she tossed it because her dog had chewed it up. Nope. Not her homework. Good guess though. It was her bra. Apparently Emily and her friends were flashing other motorists on I75. Supposedly these two guys old enough to be the girls fathers were trying to get the girls to flash them. When the bra came flying off the girls’ car, the guys swerved and flipped the 2006 Dodge Neon they were driving.

So how do you explain your broken neck or your cracked ribs to your wife/family when they were caused by over-exuberant driving tactics due to your hopes of seeing teenaged tittles? By the looks of these too, there's no need to explain.

Wait a minute. That’s no way to talk to kids! Clean up the language a bit.

Auction End Date = Oct-19-06 17:30:00 PDT

eBay item #110043101276
Tags: bra, car accident, littering, broken neck, Jeff Long, James Campbell, show me your tits, dog ate my, strange accident, Emily Davis, i75, toledo
File as: This is your news on drugs

$40k To Avoid Pubic Humiliation

2006-10-11T20:32:00.000-07:00

Now I guess I don't have to feel so bad about the typos and what not on The Grocery List From Hell...

Ottawa County Michigan had to spend an extra $40,000 to reprint ballots for the upcoming election. With absentee ballots already out, they ordered 170,000 corrected ballots @ $0.30 each in an attempt to avoid a little public humiliation. They apparently left an “L” out of the word “PUBLIC”.

Daniel Krueger, the Ottawa County Clerk, summed it up best with the quote he gave the local paper. “My first thought was, ‘Oh crap’” He went on to tell the Holland Sentinel reporter that because the typo appeared on a controversial proposal to ban affirmative action in the state, he decided that they needed to correct the error. So much for having 5 or 6 different people proof read the ballot before sending it off to the printers.

This is how the ballot was supposed to read. Krueger didn’t mention which “Public” was switched to “Pubic”, so just giggle each of the 6 times the word appears.

Oh wait, this wasn’t some slip up to reference the fact that they are debating on making the HPV vaccination mandatory for school aged girls is it? Either way, it’s sexy.

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #150001696147
Tags: Michigan, ballot typo, 2006 election, ballot+problems, ottawa county, pubic, affirmative action, voting, funny typo
File as: This is your news on drugs

What's The Frequency Sam's Club?

2006-10-10T21:18:00.000-07:00

Do the geniuses at Volkswagen really think this will work?

“Buy a new VW and get a free custom First Act guitar…” Oooh Ahh! A car you can plug your electric guitar into. And you get a free Walmart guitar!!! That’s a brilliant idea. When I am stuck in traffic I can step up on my hood and share my emo stuck in traffic song with all the other sad souls who won’t make it to work on time because of the 3 car accident at Exit 114a.

Here is the first commercial spot they started…

They started another one just now today that I only caught a few seconds of so I don’t know who this new guitar playing vw slanging person is… I’m sure it will be on a 100 more times.

The funny/crazy thing about these commercials is that those guitars can be bought at Walmart. Granted, WallyWorld doesn’t sell the customized one that they are giving away, but so what? It’s probably the same damn $129 guitar with a stupid VW logo on it.

You would think that buying a $18,000 Jetta would get you more than just a Walmart guitar. Couldn’t they have at least picked a low end Fender Stratocaster. A well known name in guitars that costs all of $400. Maybe they are trying to scoop up the Walmart market though...

Oh wait… I’ve got an idea. Buy your guitar at Walmart, tell everyone that your VW is in the shop due to electrical issues, and VW the shit out of your gitfiddle with these stickers from eBay…

Auction End Date = Oct-13-06 18:32:14 PDT

eBay item #330037408123
Click here to see the rest of this post and the commercial.

Tags: volkswagen, slash, first act guitar, vw, stupid commercial, walmart, gimmick, marketing, V Dub
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

The New Angus Pot Burger

2006-10-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

Burger King is sampling a new Angus Burger in the Los Lunas New Mexico market. This burger is formulated to give you the munchies so you end up back at the counter for a large onion rings and a chocolate shake. That’s right, the Angus Pot Burger is some evil plot to push you to eat more unhealthy fast food.

Good thing the Isleta Police were already on top of it. Three different employees at the Burger King are facing charges, including possession of marijuana and aggravated battery on an officer.

Read more and watch the video here.

McDonald’s already has the edge on the Munchies market, Taco Bell is the #2, and Burger King is in a distant third. Their dreams of the Angus Pot Burger helping them surpass McMunchies in sales is probably over now that the fuzz busted their plot.

Auction End Date = Oct-17-06 03:47:12 PDT

eBay item #8284709659
Tags: Burger King, marijuana, pot burger, weed, isleta police, munchies, drive thru drugs, McDonalds, McMunchies
File as: This is your news on drugs

Sony Playstation 3 PreOrders

2006-10-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

Playstation 3 PreOrders @ Ebay
Did You Get Yours Yet?
PLAYSTATION 3 goes on sale Nov 17!

Tens of Thousands of the pre-Orders are already sold out.
There will only be 400,000 units available in time for Christmas. Preorders started today. Everyone remembers what happened with the XBox 360. They ended up going for $1000 or more on eBay because they were impossible to find in stores. If you want one and can find a preorder, congratulations. Otherwise, you will be digging through eBay to find an available Sony PlayStation 3...

Here are some links to the official PlayStation 3 site:

PlayStation 3 Specs - Blu-ray, 256MB XDR System Memory, 256 MB XDR VRAM, Gigabit Ethernet, Bluetooth, USB, internal hard drive. The Premium unit boasts 40gb of extra hard drive space, 802.11b/g wireless, and media reader slots.

About the PS3 - Answers common questions about the ~~console~~ Computer Entertainment System

PS 3 Photo Gallery – See the console

PlayStation 3 Games - Screen shots, video clips, and details details details

More than 30k to 40k preorders sold out within hours for GameStop/EB Games, some locations in less than 10 minutes. That is 3600 stores that had between 8 and 13 units per store.

Sign up at Walmart.com to find out when they are doing their preorders. UPDATE: The preorders went on sale today (11/14/06) at about 3:00EST. They sold out in less than an hour, probably faster. Shocking since they required you buy it as a bundle with 12 games of your choice, an extra controller, and a memory card. Depending on the games you picked, the cheapest you could get out of there was still over $1400.00. If you didn't want to drop $1400 or didn't get there in time, you can always stand in line. They said they will have units at the 24/7 stores and they will go on sale at midnight 11/17/06. Get in line way way earlier than that. Expect them to have about 6 units or so since they punted a bunch off online. Since it is a 24/7 store, I'd imagine that 5:00pm on the 16th won't be early enough... No bad weather to face and people can stand in line even longer...

EBay has pulled auctions for the Playstation 3, but only the early auctions. EBay has a rule stating that you can't sell something that you can't ship within 30 days of the auction end date. They are leaving auctions alone so long as they end within 30 days of November 17. If you are looking to buy or sell a Playstation 3 on eBay, just hold your horses for a couple days.

If you can't find one in stores, get one on eBay. Or, if you are looking for PlayStation 3 Expo Swag, check the auction below.

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #8284709659
Tags: PlayStation 3, Sony, ps3 preorder, ps3 pre-order, gamestop, ebay, soldout, christmas
File as: This is your news on drugs

Got Racism?

2006-10-09T18:08:00.000-07:00

Yahoo does.
http://thewatchlist.blogspot.com/2006/10/sock-it-to-me-baby.html
Yep, apparently the Yahoo message boards are stuck in some sort of time warp that transfers you to 50 or 100 or 150 years ago. It's not 50 or 100 or 150 years ago though. It's 2006, right now here and today in these great United States. You may or may not have heard about the crazy lady who used her 4 week old baby as a weapon to beat her boyfriend. Did you see the comments on the article at Yahoo? The thread on the article has been getting all sorts of racist messages on it.

I understand the whole free speech thing, but I’m surprised Yahoo doesn’t do something considering this messages are definitely in violation of their policies on derogatory comments. Looks like whoever is in charge of moderating those messages for such violations took off Columbus Day.

Here are a few examples of the trash being posted. Warning: These messages are beyond foul.

Message 1008, 1001, 991, 930, 876, 874, 862, 852, 844, 822, 797, 737, 716, 707, 664, 588, or 586

UPDATE: I was going to bold my 2nd paragraph above because an anonymous commentor apparently missed it where I asked why Yahoo hasn't been enforcing their rules, but that is way too much bold type. They also mentioned that these comments were "just a crude way of showing what reports like 'the color of crime' have been pointing out for some time.'

Do these comments also reflect that same information found in any reports on crime and ethnicity? Message 861, 524, 538, or 781... To me it just looks like ignorant people making references to wanting more slaves, their favorite methods on how to kill blacks, or suggesting that there be a 25 year moratorium on the birth of blacks in America...

Again, messages like these and the ones I referenced before are in violation of Yahoo's rules. Free speech is great, but Yahoo doesn't provide a soap box for people who want to do the following:

Yahoo Terms of Service 6.Member Conduct Section a)
upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortuous, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable;

Auction End Date = Oct-13-06 06:34:52 PDT

eBay item #140039478110
Tags: Chytoria Graham, yahoo, racism, racist, message boards, ignorance, discrimination, hate
File as: This is your news on drugs

Sock It To Me Baby

2006-10-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

A martial arts instructor was arrested in Erie Pennsylvania for attacking her boyfriend/baby's daddy during a dispute. Chytoria Graham, age 27, is currently being held on bond on charges of aggravated assault, reckless endangerment, and simple assault. She is a 4th Degree Blackbelt in Babitsu at a local dojo.

For those of you not familiar with the art of Babitsu, see the photo below of a demonstration that took place at a Chicago area dojo last April.

While her boyfriend (Deangelo Troop) was not injured in the attack, their 4 week old baby she was using as a club suffered serious wounds (including a fractured skull and cranial bleeding). More information about the case of "Have Baby, Will Bludgeon" can be found in this UPDATED article. If you'd like to send Ms. Graham an award for Mother of the Year, please mail it to:

Chytoria Graham
323 E 4th St
Erie, PA 16507-1605

or her updated address...

Erie County Prison
Attn: Chytoria Graham
1618 Ash Street
Erie, PA 16503-2168

EBay Live Auction = Oct-18-06 17:00:00 PDT

eBay item #300035913551

Click here to see the rest of this post including updated news.

Tags: Chytoria Graham, babitsu, Deangelo Troop, Erie, Pennsylvania, reckless endangerment, child abuse, mother of the year
File as: This is your news on drugs

Haunted Walmart Best Man Toast

2006-10-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

If you have to give a speech at a wedding, have no fear. Use either one of these two speeches...

"Everything gets married. Even animals and spiders. And, just because they don't have cakes and suits and wedding parties and expensive rings, doesn't mean that they're not legally married. Here's to getting hitched. Now let's drink until our hearts stop."

This toast was composed from bits and pieces of a Space Ghost episode where Space Ghost informs everyone that he is married to Björk. The episode is called "Knifin' Around" and it originally aired Sept 2, 2001.

or
"It is such an honor to be asked to serve as Best Man for -bride's name- and -groom's name-'s wedding today. To make sure that I could give one of my best friends the best toast, I searched all the etiquette books about wedding toasts. The one common piece of speech writing advice that I found was that I shouldn't make this speech any longer than -groom's name- can last in bed. And from what I overheard from one of the bridesmaids saying at the rehearsal dinner, I apparently have already spoken about twice long as I should have. On that note, raise your glasses and join me in saying Cheers!"

If you are looking for a different kind of toast, eBay has you covered.

Auction End Date = Oct-09-06 19:19:23 PDT

eBay item #230034237004
Tags: wedding, best man, toast, best man speech, space ghost
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

How To Lose MySpace Friends

2006-10-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

Everyone has heard of MySpace. Lots of MySpace users are familiar with friend whores (people who do anything to get you on their friend list so they can claim they have 343,234,234 people on their list). There are all kinds of methods to get people on your friends list... But how to you get them to quit your friends list?

William Ashby is a loser. He made a MySpace account. He wrote bad poetry. He waxed philosphical. He cracked. He killed. He suicided. After news agencies and federal marshalls started contacting the people on his "Friends" list, that list started shrinking. Apparently 5 of the 11 didn't like the attention and removed themselves from his account.Others don't seem to mind the attention and have stayed. It probably gets them lots of reads/views. What is a blog/profile anyways with no hits?

Since Ashby's profile is still up, people are leaving all sorts of comments on his myspace blog. At least one even claims to be the sister of one of Ashby's suspected victims.

Ashby's supposed girlfriend, (who still has Ashby listed as #1 in her Top 8) "Melissa" has also received a few less than friendly comments to her blog. She put her employer's name on her MySpace profile, which may or may not have amused her employers. I can just imagine getting greeting at the door of your business... "Yes, this is Jim of WXYZ Eyewitness News and we saw on MySpace that one of your employees was dating a homicidal maniac. Could you please let us know if she would be able to speak with us for a few moments?"

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #130024878322

Click here to see the rest of this post.

Tags: myspace, william ashby, serial killer, spree killer, myspace criminals, shootout, suspect, toxic surfer
File as: This is your news on drugs

More Sexy Political Scandals

2006-10-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought political scandals couldn't get any sexier...

While not quite as disturbing as Foley, this story is still a little out there. Here goes... A state senator from West Virginia is having some issues with a possible extortion plot. Apparently someone stole files off 11th District's red faced (and purple assed) Democratic Sen. Randy White's home computer and then passed them out to a couple media outlets. What kind of files? Well, these aren't text messages. Instead, they are pictures of the dude naked partying with body paints and at least a couple other dudes.

Update: Naked Man Randy White still wins office after this silly little scandal.

To read the full article from WCHS Channel 8, click here. They are nice enough to provide you with 4 different media feeds to watch what they ran on their news broadcast. Because their appears to have been an extortion note of some sort included with the package that was dropped off for the tv station, the FBI is investigating this matter too. Maybe Foley and Hastert can hope that it slows down the other investigation until after the midterm elections.

If you are lazy like me click on these Windows Media Player feeds to watch their news clip here (300k or 56k). If you hate Microsoft and refuse to watch a WMV feed, they've got some real media feeds linked up from the full story.

Here is link about the "bizarre" story from the Charleston Daily Mail.

Silly me, this whole thing could just be a big misunderstanding over the new Dorito's "Create Your Own Super Bowl XLI Commercial" contest...

Auction End Date = Oct-10-06 19:29:12 PDT

eBay item #120038728071

Click here to see the rest of this post.

Tags: mark foley, randy white, republicans, democrats, political scandal, wchs, channel 8, body paint, dorito's contest, super bowl, naked man, blackmail, extortion, west virginia, midterm elections
File as: This is your news on drugs

Dirty Politics

2006-10-03T18:20:00.000-07:00

CNN is running a headline tonight titled "Bush: Democrats shouldn't be trusted to run Congress" that talks about (and quotes) the President as he flies around helping his cronies earn cash for the upcoming midterm elections. The crazy liberal CNN left out Bush's other message at that fundraiser, which is typical because they always are taking everything he says and try to twist it to fit their liberal agendas.

Bush went on to mention that Republicans shouldn't be trusted around your teenaged boys. Yep, national security and terrorism make Democrats weak in the knees and teenage errand boys make Republicans week in the knees. CSPAN is looking more like Dateline NBC all the sudden.

Back in 2003, the Honorable Mark Foley (www.house.gov/foley/ words not mine) was apparently outed by Republicans. He played the deny and blame game, but oddly enough blamed it on Democrats. Here is an article from the St. Petersburg Times from 2003.

Of all the article, I find this quote most interesting:

State Sen. Stephen Wise, R-Jacksonville, seemed to sum up the Florida GOP comfort zone on the gay question last week. He's not buying into the reports about Foley. "Just because you're single doesn't mean you have a different lifestyle."

At the same time, Wise is confident that an openly gay candidate could never win a statewide Republican primary in Florida.

"I think the standards of family values are pretty strong in the Republican Party," Wise said. "The issue is we're looking for candidates who have good family values and care about the family."

Different lifestyle? Family values? Good call Mr. Wise. I not sure but I think having a bit of a history of preying on teenage boys would probably be considered a "different lifestyle" and disqualifies you from anything to do with "family values"... By the way, this is not a straight/gay issue. This is a pervert issue. Foley should have left the hounding of teenagers for sex to other teenagers. Of course, you know that if he was sending those text messages to Rick Santorum maybe then the House would have taken the complaints a little more serious.

Oh, and if you're interested, the below auction is for a book on ~~how to sex talk the kids~~ recover from alcoholism.

No End Date = EBay Store Item

eBay item #320032209552
Tags: mark foley, george bush, republicans, democrats, child predator, naughty text messages, teens, sex talk
File as: This is your news on drugs

Natural Male Enhancement Gone Wrong

2006-10-03T06:53:00.000-07:00

Apparently I died, but now I am feeling much better. That's old news now though and so is this...

According to everyone's favorite UK tabloid The Sun, some poor bastard lost the battle of the pricks. As per the article, one Mr. Zoran Nikolovic of Belgrade damaged his prick by impaling it on the pricks of a hedgehog.

How and why you say? Both easy questions...

The how is simply this, he was trying to have sex with the hedgehog. Makes sense, right? Wait, why was he doing that? A doctor told him to. Well, sort of a doctor. After having his bits made whole again, Zoran admitted that a voodoo witch doctor promised total discretion and 100% success in curing Wee Willy Wonky's Weiner of premature ejaculation issues. Poor Zoran, while he likely desensitized his member (which might help with the premature ejaculation), he apparently didn't get that discretion he was looking for. Btw, the hedgehog was unharmed in the botched attempt to pork it. I'm just wondering if Ron Jeremy endorses this?

Oh, and since The Star is a good source of fucked stories about animals (or stories about fucked animals)... Why don't you take a moment to enjoy a classic recording of David Hasselhoff singing the great hit "Pingu Dance"? It isn't as sexy as "Jump in my Car" but it was made in 1989 as sort of a theme song for a cartoon penguin for kiddies. It's too bad for the rest of the world that this was only released in Switzerland. David Von Drunken Hoff apparently will do anything for money.

Auction End Date = Oct-03-06 12:17:31 PDT

eBay item #7183790923
Tags: hedgehog, ron jeremy, david hasselhoff, voodoo, rough sex, enzyte, Pingu, Pingu Dance
File as: This is your news on drugs

Cat Houses That Don't Give Me Boners

2006-09-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

Patricia K. Nicholson of Mount Airy, MD is the ultimate pet lover. She has owned and cared for more than 300 cats and at least 4 dogs over the past few years. Well, she owned them but she really didn’t care for them. BTW, 300 isn’t a typo. Catty Patty had 300 cats in her house when animal control showed up. Of those 300, 184 were dead. 184 dead cats in her house…

Here is a picture of Ms. Nicholson receiving the award for World’s Craziest Fucking Cat Lady…

Out of the 119 living cats she had, 46 had to be put down for health reasons. There were two refrigerators packed with dead cats and authorities said that every flat surface in the home had at least 3 inches of animal feces. Other kitty carcasses were stuck in bags and plastic containers labeled with names and dates of death (dating back to 2001). There were also decomposing cats on the mattress that Nicholson slept on. To make matters worse for the animal control officers, a broken water heater had flooded the kitchen creating a poopy soupy mix.

This lady is clearly a lunatic. They might want to consider euthanizing her while they are finishing off the rest of her cats…

Auction End Date = Oct-03-06 12:17:31 PDT

eBay item #320032504679
Tags: patricia k nicholson, crazy cat lady, dead cat, cat house,insane
File as: This is your news on drugs

New FDA Warning About E Coli

2006-09-27T00:06:00.000-07:00

The FDA has updated it’s warning about bagged spinach from California to now also include tossed salad. As you can see from the picture released to all major news outlets, they are strongly suggesting that everyone avoid tossing salad.

More than 175 people have been fallen ill after tossing bad salad, at least 93 of those were hospitalized, including 3 who have since died.

Hidden Valley announced that they are working with GlaxoSmithKline to develop a new formula of Ranch dressing that will kill the E. coli on contact. Much like Merck’s HBV vaccination, RanchFresh is only able to treat certain types of salads (Tossed, Chef’s, and Taco). They hope to have Buttermilk Ranch and Fat Free Ranch variations of the antibacterial dressing in human trials shortly.

Auction End Date = Sep-28-06 16:15:00 PDT

eBay item #320029742207
Tags: spinach, tossed salad, e coli, Escherichia coli, bacteria, eat ass, tossing salad, tiny dancer, hidden valley, stupid picture
File as: Hump day’s humping news, This is your news on drugs

When I Dip You Dip We Dip

2006-09-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

This goes out to all the women in the world especially her
You know it don't even matter your age don't even matter you color

Just when you start thinking that you are the rockingest rocker to ever rock, someone comes along just to prove you wrong. What I am I talking about? Listen to me for a minute. I have been practicing my dance moves for like 15 years. I make MC Hammer look more like MC Hammerteur. Vanilla Ice can’t move like I do… I thought I was the undisputed breakdancing king of the world. That was until someone sent me this video today. Check out this bad ass bust some bad ass moves…

Oh, and for anyone who is wondering why I seem to have a fascination with wee folk, I don’t know what you are talking about. It’s not like I have posted 5 or more posts about midgets or little people or dwarves or [insert PC word here] in the past 5 months. Wait, shit. I have.

Even though the picture for this dance video on ebay is small, it still clearly demonstrates how cool you can be with the proper technique. In case you are wondering, I already bought the rainbow colored gym mat. You snooze, you lose.

Auction End Date = Oct-04-06 11:25:38 PDT

eBay item #220031322274
Tags: dance, robot, breakdance, holiday rap, bust a move, hip hop, midget, tiny dancer, funny video, little people
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Filthy Chatroom Skanks

2006-09-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

Got Virus? I do did. Symantec,Avast!, and Trend Micro didn’t have any info on it all. Spyware/adware removal toys (adaware and SpyBot Search & Destroy) were not finding it either. Symantec could see it sorta, but couldn't clean it and didn't know what to call it. The rest were worthless and none of them had info on their sites about it.

Since there was absolutely zero information on the virus out there on google or yahoo (or the above mentioned sites) I figured I would post here in case someone else runs into it.

At first I was thinking about asking that it be called Trojan.TheWatchList, but then I decided that having virus named after you probably isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I wonder how Lou Gehrig felt about it?

Anyways… I most likely caught this virus from some dirty slut while cybering in a chatroom somewhere, so I’d strongly suggest you only digitally bang broads (or dudes) you know. Since it is unnamed/unknown, I’m going to submit it to Symantec and ask that they call it “Trojan._is_a_chatroom_floozie” but I doubt they will grant my request. As for who I am referring to with the thingie… You know who you are and I’m probably not the first guy you gave an infection to…

How I found it:
I was getting “suchandsuch.com is requesting to save a cookie” messages even though I wasn’t actively browsing the web. The pages it was loading were completely hidden/invisible, as in no browses on my screen or minimized with suchandsuch.com. I ran a scan (even though realtime protection was active the entire time). Scan with 9/23/06 updated virus defs from Symantec detected jkkmlk.dll (located in c:\%SYSTEMROOT%\system32 folder) as an uknown Trojan, as in has no name, and Symantec can not clean or quarantine or delete the file since it is in use.

How I tracked it down:
Since it seemed to be browse related I checked the IE add-ins (there are different ways to do this depending on your version of IE). Low and behold, there is a BHO (browser helper object) that I didn’t recognize called iasm32.dll without a publisher. Mark it for disable, close IE and reopen, it is active again.

I then ran HijackThis and saw that file name 2 times in the HijackThis log, which appeared as:

O2 - BHO: (no name) - {F241F9B7-B8F1-48ED-9EC3-714769D93718} - C:\WINDOWS\system32\iasm32.dll
And
O20 - Winlogon Notify: iasm32 - iasm32.dll

I searched the net for iasm32.dll and became concerned because there was pretty much zero information about this file.

How I removed it:
Luckily it was fairly easy to get rid of… HijackThis could not remove it via it’s “fix” option but by going into the options on HijackThis I was able to select that file for deletion on reboot, so it would be removed before the Winlogon Notify: portion took effect and put it in memory.

Before rebooting, I also manually searched the registry for all instances of iasm32.dll, of which there were 3.
I exported backups and then started deleting… Here is what I deleted:
HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\CLSID\{F241F9B7-B8F1-48ED-9EC3-714769D93718}\ <- Delete at this level
InprocServer32@="C:\\WINDOWS\\system32\\iasm32.dll"
"ThreadingModel"="Free")

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Classes\CLSID\{F241F9B7-B8F1-48ED-9EC3-714769D93718}InprocServer32@="C:\\WINDOWS\\system32\\iasm32.dll"
"ThreadingModel"="Free"

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows NT\CurrentVersion\Winlogon\Notifyiasm32"Asynchronous"=dword:00000000
"Dllname"="iasm32.dll"
"Impersonate"=dword:00000000
"Startup"="OnStartup"
"Shutdown"="OnShutdown"

I then rebooted… HijackThis logs looked clean, IE is no longer showing the BHO… No more popups. Yay!

I hope that putting this out on the net helps someone who runs into the same issue, since searching google/yahoo/Symantec/trendmicro/etc netted no results. I was even amazed that I couldn’t find anyone else on a message board or expertsexchange or newsgroups?? Oh well, it is posted now and will be index for your viewing pleasure…To see all the boring details of the virus and how to remove it, click on this boring link.

As for the dirty pervert who I contracted this from, maybe you should read this book…

Auction End Date = Oct-01-06 18:30:32 PDT

eBay item # 180032323039
Tags: virus, trojan, hijackthis, annoying popups , surf bot, symantec, avast, spyware, adware
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Taking Back Sunday vol6

2006-09-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

This week’s religious news is about God providing balance in the universe... Notre Dame was able to get a win vs a team from Michigan this weekend. Barely. Notre Dame scored 19 unanswered points in the 4th quarter to win by 3.

On a more serious note…

Last weeks “Shot heard round the world” was the shooting death of a nun in Somalia following the Pope’s speech about violence and Islam. Christians (who were upset by the Pope giving in by providing an apology over the protests and violence caused by his speech) decided to cause a ruckus of their own.

Half way around the world in Melbourne Florida, Muslims celebrated the beginning of Ramadan in at their mosque until someone opened fire on the mosque. No one was injured, but the building was hit multiple times.

I wonder if it will cause an uproar in the blogosphere like the death of the nun did… I didn’t really see too much on other Christian on Muslim crime here in Bloggyland. But again, that’s mostly because those sorts of things don’t get the same spotlight in the news. Here are a couple of cases that you would have thought would have caught peoples attention…

Last week, a Norristown PA man plead guilty for charges of ethnic intimidation for firing at least 52 shots at cars in a parking lot of a mosque in nearby Lanesdale.

In June someone from Chattanooga TN posted a video to MySpace.com called “Kill the Koran” and charges have yet to be filed due to this video. The video shows some guy purchase a Qu’ran and then he and a friend shoot it repeatedly with an M-16 rifle. Afterwards, it shows the main person from the video walk up to a mosque and throw it down and leave it on the sidewalk in front of the door to the mosque.

Usually people only care about hate crimes if they are committed against the group they belong to. I left a number of comments on a number of blogs that were talking about Islam. I just don’t really see how it is fair to stereotype an entire religious group (that accounts for hundreds of millions of people, if not more than one billion) for the actions of fanatics, especially when Christian fanatics have done their own fair share (including Christianity spreading by the sword, which is a reference to the Pope’s speech on Islam).

I would be really interested in hearing anyone’s opinions on this. Let me know if I’m right or wrong or if you have anything to add to this.

Auction End Date = Sep-19-06 03:18:44 PDT

eBay item #120023150416
Tags: Notre Dame, Islam, violence, Christianity, fanatics, hate crime
File as: This is your news on drugs, Taking Back Sunday

Chopparazzi Photo Friday vol3

2006-09-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

Chopparazzi got a little crazy last week with the two part posting. Hopefully I can get this back on track this week. I selected Joanna’s blog for volume 3 of Chopparazzi Photo Friday, so here goes…

Everyone remembers Dionne Warwick and the Psychic Friends Hotline from the glory years of the 90’s, with all those great late night infomercials. For some mysterious reason this psychic services power house went from $100s of millions in profits to Chapter 11 bankruptcy. But why? Well, I’ve got an inside source that says that almost all 2000+ psychics employeed by the Psychic Friends Network all ran into the same problem when trying to do readings… They were getting some sort of interference when trying to connect with the “other side”. Here is a picture that one of the former psychics emailed me…

She told me that her mirror ball constantly would fade in and out on this same image and she would her inside her head a voice saying the following: “I’m sorry, all lines are busy. Please try again later.”

She told me that she recalls this first happening in June of 1996. From that day forward, her and the other psychic were no longer able to communicate with the spirit world. That’s when things got bad for Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends. No one wants to pay $3.99 per minute to listen to some person on the phone nervously blurting out random crap advice like:

“Next Thursday, umm, I see you brushing your teeth. But you feel rushed and you don’t brush like you should and then you worry later in the day about if your breath smells. It’s not too late. You can change your course of action and make sure your breath smells good. Go out and buy a travel bottle of mouthwash to keep in your car just in case.”

Advice like that quickly led them to their 1998 bankruptcy. That must have been hell for Dionne and her gang since they knew it was going to happen but were powerless to stop it.

But who was it that was interferring with their communications to the spirit world? Was it a spirit or another psychic mastermind trying to destroy their psychic phone service competitors? No. After doing some research, I found out it was Joanna of The Paranormal Experience. Go to her site to ask her how/why she decided to bring Dionne Warwick and the PFN empire to it’s knees.

If you would like like to be in next week’s episode of Chopparazzi, let me know. I will be doing one per week. To make the request, simply leave a comment on this post or any of the Chopparazzi posts. If you have any specific requests (theme, size, url to picture of you, etc) let me know and I will do my best. If you make no specific requests, I will review your blog and find a picture (or two) and likely an idea for theme. If you decide to post the picture on your site, the only thing that I ask is a link back to my site that says something like "TheWatchList Chopparazzi Photos". I will post the pictures on my site with some sort of caption. You will have full permission to use (or not use) the photo and caption on your site or anything else you want (like if you want to make Christmas cards to send to Uncle Bill and Aunt Gina).

I will need to review/consider all entries by Wednesday to make sure I have enough free time to get to your picture.Click here to see how to enter for your very own Chopparazzi Photo Friday post by me.

If you’d like to learn how to unlock your psychic powers, I’d suggest buying a copy of The Psychic Within video featuring Dieonne and her Psychic Friends…

No End Date = Buy It Now Item

eBay item #9150016687
Tags: chopparazzi, paranormal, psychic, Dionne Warwick, Psychic Friends Network, fortune teller
File as: Me, Myself, and I Rant, Chopparazzi Photos

No Sympathy For the Devil

2006-09-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

According to the speech made by Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez, President George W. Bush is the devil. Yep. Chavez told the UN assembly in New York that the podium “smells of sulphur” because the devil was speaking at that same podium 24 hours earlier. Read the full article here. After referring to Bush as the devil, making jokes about how it smelled like sulphur, and then crossing himself, he stated that Bush talks to the UN as if he owns the world. His speech was met with laughter and applause. I wonder if maybe Bush has an international PR issue. Not that it matters, his approval ratings are less than stellar here.

Chavez then spent the day in a Harlem church to talk about his Oil-for-Poor event. While there, he was informed of a terrible situation where virginal children were being held at the White House for sacrafice. The clergy of the Mount Olivet Baptist Church armed Chavez with holy water and a wooden cross so Chavez himself could go and rescue the children. Chavez was quoted as saying the following before leaving the church:

”… They told me that I should be careful ... he is the devil ... he might kill me... But, I place myself in the hands of God.”

You can read more about his time at the Mount Olivet Baptist Church here.

The above picture is of Chavez rushing the last child away from the White House. All the same, Hugo Chavez is a hero and a saint. I hope some day he is elected President of the United States and Pope. God bless him!!!

Don’t forget to get your very own Satan Bush shirt…

Auction End Date = Sep-25-06 09:42:49 PDT

eBay item #150036607401
Tags: bush, chavez, venezuela, United Nations, bush is the devil
File as: This is your news on drugs

Hump Day’s Humping News vol7

2006-09-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

So I heard a joke from my minister the other day…

He says, “What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Doberman?”
“Lipstick.” Bahdumche ah

Okay, so he isn’t my minister, but he is a clergyman. His name is John Beam and he’s a preacher from Franklin Tennessee who steps a little outside the normal “churching”.

He runs a program called “Family Dynamics” which is a marriage counseling program. His most popular seminar is titled “Love, Sex, and Marriage” (which you can read about here). During that seminar he translates Song of Solomon and explains about proper sexual techniques/advice that are in that scripture. Also, he tells some jokes during the whole thing to help people get rid of those nervous giggles. That joke above was supposedly one he busts out during the seminar. I’m guessing he does that one in particular to help win the ladies over.

This guy takes scripture and sexes it up for ya… Gives a whole new meaning to the term “Bible Thumper”

He is pro-masturbation, pro-birth control, pro-phone sex, even pro-anal sex. I bet they don’t talk about phone sex or anal at your church do they? Well, not unless they are talking about paying off families of victims and where to hide Father O’Mally… He gives tips on oral, talks about the bible’s views on vibrators, and other helpful suggestions like what to do with you free hands while doing it doggy style.

Well, I’m not sure if this caught your attention or not, but if your interested in learning more you can check out the article that showed me the light or you can find out how to get his “Home Study” version in case he won’t be speaking at a church near you anytime soon.

Auction End Date = Sep-27-06 12:34:29 PDT

eBay item #110035742489
Tags: sex, marriage counseling, John Beam, family dynamics, bible thumper
File as: Hump day’s humping news

Tickle My 7 Times Retail Value

2006-09-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

Mattel/Fisher Price released the new TMX edition of Tickle Me Elmo today (9/19/06). Apparently these things are insane. EBayers are insane for them. The retail price on these puppies was $39.95. Here are a links to some that sold today for $355.00, $330.00, $305.00, $280.50, and $255.00 on eBay today.

What?! Who would want one that bad and why would they pay that much? Better question, what the hell does TMX stand for?? The TMX name came from Tickle Me and the X comes from the roman numeral for 10 (since this is the 10th Anniversary Edition of the original Tickle Me Elmo). According to news reports, Fisher Price kept this top secret and then had a huge media release with the start of the toy’s sale today. The toy was featured on this morning’s episode of Good Morning America, has spent part of the day on the front page of Yahoo.com, was shown on CNN, and a number of others news outlets…

Right now eBay has about 13,750 T.M.X. Elmo dolls up for sale. That isn’t stopping the bids from going higher and higher. They are not expecting more of these to ship before Christmas. 13,750 is a lot on eBay, but will that be enough to satisfy consumer demand for these things?

Auction End Date = Sep-20-06 16:15:17 PDT

eBay item #180030541496
Tags: tmx, tickle me elmo, elmo, Christmas shopping, sesame street
File as: This is your news on drugs

I Hate Manual Spammers

2006-09-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

This post will probably run on and on because I am ranting... Mostly because I am annoyed.

Anyone get comments for autosurf(COCK)monster.com lately? Maybe it looked a little something like this…

Anonymous said...
Hello

I really enjoy the way this blog was written. In fact (not to sound like an ad) If I were you I would go to http://www.autosurf-COCK-monster.com and submit this blog so thousands of others can see it for free. well, I look forward to all the updates, Thanks again.

Jessica

After checking Google, more than 100 blog posts show in the results for a search for the phrase “and submit this blog so thousands of others can see it for free. well, I look forward to all the updates, Thanks again.” Miss Jessica (who is probably a 350lb sweaty guy who only steps away from his computer to get pushup pops out of the freezer or to find a fresh package of adult diapers) also signed a number of posts as “Jessica Kardon” and google will catch you another 125+ hits for that + the url mentioned above.

Stop complaining about comment spam you say. Turn on your random char generator you say… Fine, yes. But wait. It is turned on. This is some turd who actually is going around and manually spamming your and my blogs. Get a 3rd party spam checker thing you say. NO. Sorry, I guess I’d rather just complain than have to put all these stupid scripts on my site and sign up for 35 different services just to make sure that one pecker head isn’t spamming for his/her fake traffic generating site. BLAH. Manual spammers are exponentially more annoying than bot/script spammers. BLAH BLAH.

I went and left comments on their blog about their annoying spammers. I’m sure they deleted it by now, if they even check it. I’d post a link, but it would be a link to their site so NO. Also did a few other small things in this futile battle to make me feel warm and fuzzy until the next message hits my blog. Assholes.

If you are really bored, here is the last tiny bit of information... Their ip was 24.130.15.# and that puts them somewhere in the small berg of Los Angeles. Here is a lovely sample of the spam they sent...

Auction End Date = Sep-19-06 19:35:07 PDT

eBay item #300028143780
Tags: spam, comment spam, Jessica Kardon, bad SEO tactics, annoying bastard,
File as: Me, myself, and I rant

Taking Back Sunday vol5

2006-09-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

The big news for this Sunday’s religious related news is that there is no news, so to speak. No one has heard from the Almighty God since early Saturday afternoon. It’s Sunday evening now. Nothing. Not a peep. Not an earthquake… Nothing. Why is this? It’s quite simple.

You remember the Book of Job, right? God bet Satan that his follower Job would stay strong and never lose his faith. Remember. Well, God won that one. He did not win the bet he placed this weekend on Notre Dame though. And damn did Notre Dame not come though… They got burned bad on their home turf with touchdown Jesus watching the whole time. As you can see in this picture, it looks almost as Jesus is throwing is arms up into the air and saying WTF!?

They didn’t just lose, they looked like fools. It makes you wonder if the Penn game was fluke. Notre Dame racked up a whopping 4 (count them, 1, 2, 3, 4) yards rushing and were losing 26-7 by the time they got their first first down. Heisman hopeful Quinn and ex Patriot offensive coordinator turned ND Head Coach Weiss can’t seem to beat big bad Michigan. What, did someone say overrated? Keep that sorta talk to yourself. It’s not nice to kick a man when he’s down, or in this case a dead horse.

Anyways, the Almighty is pissed or embarrassed or something. He’s not answering prayers, phone calls, emails, or telegrams. Not even the ones from his best friends Pat Robertson. The Pope even went as far as to apologize for his hypocritical comments about Islam because he feared he may be without the support of the Big Guy in the Sky for a few days. It’s speculated that God is being a Little Baby Jesus right now and pouting about the loss. He’ll probably be back around to those prayers and shit by Tuesday. I’d be pretty embarrassed myself. I just hope for him that this little episode doesn’t end up in the New New Testament.

If you have some really important prayers that need answering, you might want to find a different god in the interim. Notre Dame fans have already started looking. Looks like they might try their luck with voodoo since they aren’t having much luck otherwise… If you want to help them out on that front, check out this auction…

Auction End Date = Sep-19-06 03:18:44 PDT

eBay item #170029431762
Tags: Notre Dame, Brady Quinn, god, egg on your face, voodoo, Pope Hypocrite XVI
File as: Me, myself, and I rant, Taking Back Sunday

Chopparazzi Photo Friday vol2.1

2006-09-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

Yikes! Since poor Diva’s Chopparazzi from yesterday needed a little taming, I’ve decided to put out another. I had already started the concept but for some reason thought the Dateline idea was better. I still do, but all the same she might not want to post that picture on her site considering all the google hits I am getting from perverts across the world searching for preteen fun. So, here is Diva’s very own Chopparazzi Photo Fridays Saturday Hangover…

After being quickly ousted from “Dancing with the Stars”, celebrity wanna-be Tucker Carlson as publicly requested a do-over after being asked about the show and his round one knock out. He went on to claim that his Russian partner, Elena Grinenko, was no pro and she was what pulled the team down. Here is an excerpt from that interview…

Tucker Carlson: “Jesus Tap Dancing Christ! I had no chance from the get go and I deserve to at least challenge the winner if they can’t allow me back in the competition. Elena Grinenko was totally dragging us down. Someone said she was a professional Russian dancer, but dancing at Scores a pro does not make. I picked my own partner this time and we have been training nonstop just in case I get a call back about the rematch.”

Tucker then introduced his new dance partner as 8 year-oldJill the Dancing Diva. He added that her youth and fresh approach to dancing will provide the judges and the tv audience with so much more than the typical Dancing with the Stars routine.

The person speaking with Tucker Carlson then reminded him that there never has been a “star” on Dancing with the Stars and Tucker stormed off the set.

If you would like like to be in next week’s episode of Chopparazzi, let me know. I will be doing one per week. To make the request, simply leave a comment on this post or any of the Chopparazzi posts. If you have any specific requests (theme, size, url to picture of you, etc) let me know and I will do my best. If you make no specific requests, I will review your blog and find a picture (or two) and likely an idea for theme. If you decide to post the picture on your site, the only thing that I ask is a link back to my site that says something like "Chopparazzi Photos". I will post the pictures on my site with some sort of caption. You will have full permission to use (or not use) the photo and caption on your site or anything else you want (like if you want to make Christmas cards to send to Uncle Bill and Aunt Gina).

I will need to review/consider all entries by Wednesday to make sure I have enough free time to get to your picture. Lets call the deadline Wednesday @ 11:00pm EST each week for now.Click here to see the how to enter Chopparazzi Photo Friday.

Oh, and for all you Tucker fans who need Bowtie Boy merchandise for all occasions (including when you are all tuckered out)… Here’s a Tucker Carlson “It Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This” pillow case.

No End Date = Buy It Now Item

eBay item #220023608560
Tags: chopparazzi, tucker carlson, dancing with the stars, bowtie boy, do over
File as: Me, Myself, and I Rant, Chopparazzi Photos

Chopparazzi Photo Friday vol2

2006-09-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

Nine people commented on last week’s episode of Chopparazzi. Thanks to all who signed up. Hopefully the number keeps growing. I will do my best to get to everyone who is interested. Because it was ButteryflyDiva’s birthday this past week and the fact that she was willing to share this photo of her from her flickr, I selected her for volume two of Chopparazzi Photo Fridays…

Joe Scarborough, host of MSNBC’s Scarborough Country, was recently complaining about the ethics of Dateline’s “To Catch A Predator” series and their recent advertisement for open casting calls for perverts. Joe claims that having reporters pretend to be “preteen sex kittens” in internet chat rooms is entrapment and that his cousin Hank shouldn’t have been embarrassed by having his picture appear on a past episode of the show.

Joe did some of his one research and found out that the catty model shown isn’t actually 11 as the superimposed chat room text implies. For those of you interested, her name is ButteryflyDiva. She did just recently have a birthday, but it wasn’t her 12th.

As for the rest of the Dateline advertisement, various photos of children in different outfits were displayed on the screen. The photos were accompanied by a voice over that said the following: “If you are man aged 22 to 102 in the Atlanta area and you find any of these photos sexually arousing, please show up at the East Ballroom of the Grand Hyatt Atlanta for your chance to be interviewed on an upcoming episode of Dateline NBC this Sept 23rd. Refreshments and parking validation will be provided. Until then, feel free to join us in our chatroom, PreteenSingles.NBC.com.”

Go check out Diva’s site. I promise she is of age so Dateline won’t be interviewing you if you happen to leave any comments on any of her posts.

If you would like like to be in next week’s episode of Chopparazzi, let me know. I will be doing one per week. To make the request, simply leave a comment on this post or any of the Chopparazzi posts. If you have any specific requests (theme, size, url to picture of you, etc) let me know and I will do my best. If you make no specific requests, I will review your blog and find a picture (or two) and likely an idea for theme. If you decide to post the picture on your site, the only thing that I ask is a link back to my site that says something like "Chopparazzi Photos". I will post the pictures on my site with some sort of caption. You will have full permission to use (or not use) the photo and caption on your site or anything else you want (like if you want to make Christmas cards to send to Uncle Bill and Aunt Gina).

I will need to review/consider all entries by Wednesday to make sure I have enough free time to get to your picture. Lets call the deadline Wednesday @ 11:00pm EST each week for now.Click here to see the how to enter Chopparazzi Photo Friday.

Since this topic was about child predators, does anyone else thing this eBay item is a sorta just maybe a little creepy…

No End Date = Buy It Now Item

eBay item #270006957270
Tags: chopparazzi, photochop, chatroom predators, dateline, perverts
File as: Me, Myself, and I Rant, Chopparazzi Photos

$15 Blog Promotion

2006-09-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

Like half the rest of the blogging world, I’m scrambling to figure out a way to get my blog loading up on more and more computer monitors across the globe… I’ve done a bit to clean up my template, I’ve starting making silly graphics, I’ve whored myself online in a few different ways. I’m getting hits, but I want all the hits. Christ, I got a google page rank of 4/10 within 3 months and now I am stuck there. I fear I have hit some sort of plateau though. I couldn’t figure out what to do…

While I was losing sleep over this matter I decided to turn on the tv. Thank god I did. There was an infomercial with those adorably tiny midget brothers (John & Greg Rice) who are cons who shill people with some get rich quick real estate thingie. These little guys kick it with that government grant book guy Matthew Lesko and together they all three rock harder than anyone else in the business world.

Anyways, back to my blog promotion problems… By watching their infomercial, I discovered a secret code that apparently was buried in their message. This secret code gave me the greatest tip in the world on how to draw more people to my blog. Here it is…

Damn straight. I took three $5 bills and wrote my web address on them twice. Once on the front (not picture) and once on the back (pictured). If I get these back out in circulation, slowly but surely they will exchange hands at least 100 times per year each. If at least 2% of the people who touch them look at my website, that is at least 6 more visitors per year that I didn’t already have. If 25% of those new visitors like my site, then that equates to 1.5 new readers per year. BAM! Google pagerank 5/10 here I come.

Oh, and if one of these bad boys lands in your pocket, let me know. This has to be one of my greatest ideas in my entire live. If you want to use it, feel free. You can even leave a comment with the post showing your $15 marketing plan pictures (as in the three $5 bills you wrote your blog address on)… Rock on and GOOD LUCK!

If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna hire these people to start writing fantastic blog posts for me.

Auction End Date = Sep-17-06 08:40:19 PDT

eBay item #190030703023
Tags: blog, blog promotion, $15 marketing, John & Greg Rice, pagerank, infomercial
File as: Me, Myself, and I rant

Hump Day's Humping News vol6

2006-09-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

This week’s installment of Hump Day’s Humping News is about a recent news pertaining to castration. This is a tangent of sorts considering only a few of these articles imply sex or sexual activity. All the same, I consider evicting Big Sam and the Twins hump related news so here goes…

Story #1 hails from Virginia and is about a panel that is seeking out information on using castration as treatment/punishment for sex offenders. Did you know… According to this article, 9 states allow some method of castration as treatment for sex offenders. Yep, four say yay to chemical castration (hormomone treatments), four allow the offenders to opt for surgical castration, while the last remaining of the nine offers both wonderful options.

Story #2 isn’t a story. It’s a wiki article on the topic. The link takes you straight to the page anchor about the medical consequences. Did you know… Castration prevents male pattern baldness and can also result in the development of breast tissue along with muscle and bone loss? Sounds like a bit of an extreme method of keeping your hair from falling out.

Story #3 is about a lady who is a real ball buster. She apparently got into a fight with her boyfriend and tore open his scrotum with her bare hands. Did you know… After getting the 10 stitches to sew his bean bag back up, the wounded nutter told the news that he’s going back to his lady friend to work things out. You can read that interview here.

And now, castration from round the world…
Story #4 is about two teens who were arrested in Queenstown South Africa for murdering a man by castrating him. Did you know… Yikes. No, and I don’t want too.

Story #5 is about poor old Mr. Ed. Okay, not really. It is about a guy in New Zealand who did a DYI horse castration. The horse ended up tangled on a fence a few days later and had to be put down. Did you know… DYI horse castrations are common in New Zealand but have been outlawed since 1960.

Story #6 is about Mr. Dead, the late Heinrich Schneider of Germany and his greatest asset. Apparently his wife was seen by a nurse shortly after chopping off her dead husband’s penis and putting in a lunchbox?! She told police it was his greatest asset and she wanted to pickle it so she would have it to remember him by. Did you know… Cutting the penis off of a corpse in Stuttgart Germany will result in you being arrested for mutilation. Uta Schneider does.Click here to see the castration news from round the world.

Auction End Date = Sep-15-06 13:49:12 PDT

eBay item #180026850376
Tags: castration, chemical castration, crime, male pattern baldness, big sam and the twins
File as: This is your news on drugs, Hump day’s humping news

Michigan's Wart Free Future

2006-09-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

If the Michigan bill passes to law, all girls entering the 6th Grade in Michigan would have to add the HPV vaccination (series of 3 shots) to their list of vaccinations required on their physical. Just like with all other mandatory vaccinations, they aren't really mandatory. Parents can say no due to religious, moral, or other reasons.

The HPV vaccine has seen a bit of debate. On one side of the coin, you have a vaccination that could prevent the leading cause of cervical cancer (which kills nearly 4,000 women in the US every year). On the other side of the coin, you have people who feel that mass rollouts of this vaccine are the equivalent of the government giving a big green light to promiscuity. What do you think?

Here are a few links on HPV…
CDC Fact Sheet on HPV
HPV for Dummies
HPV info from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases
National Health Institute’s Medline Plus info on HPV
TheHPVTest.com
Merck’s site for their vaccine named Gardasil
Last but not least…
My post about the rumored deal between Merck and MySpace for discounted vaccinations…

That should be plenty of background for you to learn about the disease and the vaccine if you didn’t know what HPV was before landing here. As for eBay, a few sellers are already offering up the nifty drug rep schwag pens for Gardasil.

Auction End Date = Sep-17-06 21:04:35 PDT

eBay item #330027489378
Tags: HPV, Gardasil, michigan, women’s health
File as: This is your news on drugs

Taking Back Sunday vol4

2006-09-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

Pope Palpatine XVI

Dear Lord, I pray that you forgive me for posting something with so many pictures. I pray that you give those people using dialup the strength to forgive this transgressions (and any that I may have made in the past). I also ask that you help guide me so that I may make better decisions as to how many pictures are reasonable to include on a single post in the future. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Everyone has seen the jokes about how Pope Benedict XVI is Emperor Palpatine, but after finding the source AP photo below I'm convinced that it is true. Sorry about the number of pictures on this post kids. I had to do it though because I was completely amazed at how much the facial structure of Emperor Palpatine and Pope Benedict XVI match up. It's seriously like they just slapped stage cake makeup on him. Their chins and jaw lines are almost exact matches. They both have the same sunken eyes and their heads are shaped almost exactly the same. Take a look and see for yourself…

These are the two pictures I started with.

Click here to see the rest of the pictures.
If you're a big fan of the Pope (or Emperor Palpatine), check out this eBay auction for a high quality life size bust.

Auction End Date = Sep-11-06 13:00:00 PDT

eBay item #180026784769
Tags: emperor palpatine, pope benedict, joseph ratzinger, star wars
File as: Me, myself, and I rant, Taking Back Sunday

Chopparazzi Photo Friday vol1

2006-09-08T13:14:00.000-07:00

Big thanks to the 3 people who put in for this pilot episode of Chopparazzi on such short notice. Keep trying, I will do my best to get to everyone who is interested. Because I had to pick someone, I selected Dean’s blog for the first volume of Chopparazzi Photo Fridays…

Meet everyone’s pal, DeanK. Like most Canadians, he loves the outdoors.

If you’ve seen his blog you know that when he posts a picture of himself, it's probably a picture of him feeding pigeons because he loves to feed animals in the park. Unfortunately due to bird flu concerns, he had to stop feeding the birds. This made Dean sad. He quickly cheered up once he realized there were animals in the park that needed to be fed even more than the pigeons. Now he feeds burgers to anemic and starving B list celebrities. Here ‘s a picture of him giving a bacon cheeseburger to that poor starving Nicole Richie.

Make sure to go visit Dean's site, at least if not to see what the pictures looked like before I photochopped them.

If you would like like to be in next week’s episode of Chopparazzi, let me know. I will be doing one per week. To make the request, simply leave a comment on this post or any of the Chopparazzi posts. If you have any specific requests (theme, size, url to picture of you, etc) let me know and I will do my best. If you make no specific requests, I will review your blog and find a picture (or two) and likely an idea for theme. If you decide to post the picture on your site, the only thing that I ask is a link back to my site that says something like "TheWatchList Chopparazzi Photos". I will post the pictures on my site with some sort of caption. You will have full permission to use (or not use) the photo and caption on your site or anything else you want (like if you want to make Christmas cards to send to Uncle Bill and Aunt Gina).

I will need to review/consider all entries by Wednesday to make sure I have enough free time to get to your picture. Lets call the deadline Wednesday @ 11:00pm EST each week for now.

Oh crap. I hope Dean doesn’t get in trouble… He apparently didn’t see the sign in the park…

No End Date = Buy It Now Item

eBay item #230003675826
Tags: chopparazzi, photochop, Nicole Richie, park, bird flu
File as: Me, Myself, and I Rant, Chopparazzi Photos

Chopparazzi Anyone?

2006-09-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

Over the past month or so I have added two weekly themed posts. If you visit here on a halfway regular basis you may have noticed that I have also started playing around with creating silly photo edits. I’m not that very good at it but I have fun. Since I like doing the silly photo edits I have decided to officially turn it into a weekly. Tomorrow will be the start of Chopparazzi Photo Fridays.

If you would like me to create a photochopped picture of you (that I will send to you via email or you can pull down from my site or something) for use on your site, let me know. I will only be doing one per week. To make the request, simply leave a comment on this post or any of the Chopparazzi posts. If you have any specific requests (theme, size, url to picture of you, etc) and I will do my best to honor those requests. If you make no specific requests, I will review your blog and find a picture (and likely an idea for theme). If you decide to post the picture on your site, the only thing that I ask is a link back to my site that says something like "TheWatchList Chopparazzi Photos". I may or may not use the photo on my site. You will have full permission to use (or not use) the photo on your site or anything else you want.

Typically, I will need to review/consider all entries by Wednesday to make sure I have enough free time to get to your picture. Lets call the deadline Wednesday @ 11:00pm EST each week for now. This week I don’t have that luxury though. If there are no requests by 12:00 EST tonight, I will pick someone or just make up some other sample.

For now… If you’d like to see some samples of my amateur photochopping, check here, here, here, or here.

Auction End Date = Sep-09-06 15:23:45 PDT

eBay item #300023817999
Tags: chopparazzi, photochop, will work for links
File as: Me, Myself, and I Rant

Hump Day’s Humping News vol5

2006-09-06T12:46:00.000-07:00

This week’s installment of Hump Day’s Humping News covers two recent things from the news. Both articles had the following 4 things in common…

1) Sex
2) Cars
3) Crime
4) Russians

Article #1 is about a creative Russian gang that is using the magical powers of naked women to steal dozens of BMWs and Mercedes.

Article #2 contains the lovely fact that 25% of Russians polled in a study by KRC Research and Goodyear admitted to engaging in sexual activities while driving. Sex, cars, Russians… Check. But what about crime? Well, according to that same survey, 36% of the Russians claimed to regularly exceed the speed limit and another 30% admitted to drunk driving. Those would be crimes, so check.

These articles teach some very valuable lessons that you should pay attention to. First off, don’t get out of your expensive luxury car just because some naked chicks are rubbing each other. Remember, you bought the car so they would come to you… Secondly, learn Russian behind the wheel.

Auction End Date = Sep-10-06 10:48:47 PDT

eBay item #270025231908
Tags: sex, cars, crime, russians, bad drivers, grand theft auto
File as: This is your news on drugs, Hump day’s humping news